I read a lot of inspirational, self-help websites, especially when I'm feeling down about dating, career or life in general. One pretty cool one is marcandangel.com
I liked the list of questions on http://www.marcandangel.com/2009/07/13/50-questions-that-will-free-your-mind/ so I thought it might be fun to address some of them. It will give me more blogging material.
First question:
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?
That's interesting to think about. I'm 30. Still hard to believe that my 20s are a thing of the past. I certainly don't feel much different. And if I didn't know I'd probably still think I was in my 20s. My life hasn't changed on the surface much since 27. I still live in the same place and have the same job. My room is still a mess (Beach Guy said I live like a college student when he saw my place . . . it's true. But he still lives with his parents, so . . .). Fact is, I do not have a mind for style. I do not decorate my room. My room is pretty much a functional place, a place for me to sleep, play video games and just chill. I still have a twin size mattress, which serves its purpose but does get a little . . . cramped when I have a guy over.
As I increasingly realize that I cannot make finding a relationship a priority, I know that improving myself should be number one. One thing I need to do is continue to mature. In many ways I'm very mature and always have been. I've never been one to do irresponsible things like party, drink excessively, use drugs, sleep around, etc. And usually I think positively of my non-materialistic nature. At the same time, however, I realize that the things I do care about, such as relationships, might be strengthened if I put more focus on things that I don't really care too much about in and of themselves. I'm far from a workaholic for example, but ambition is a desirable trait, so I probably need to focus on career a bit more than is in my nature.
Hopefully before I get too far into my 30s I will begin to figure out how I can move ahead with life and start feeling more like a "grown up." Unfortunately one of the things I strongly associate with that is having a stable relationship, which still seems so way off. I honestly don't know how I even wound up in a relationship at all the first time. It all happened so fast. Both the beginning and the end. I don't know how to do it again. And being who I am, mind always going . . . I'm constantly looking for a solution. And when guy after guy lead to nothing but disappointment, it makes me wonder what I'm doing wrong, and what area of maturation I should be focusing on.
But the thing about age, it is relative. Life is not the same for everyone. 30 for me could be radically different than 30 for someone else. Heck, I didn't start seriously dating until 27, a full decade after most people. So I need to also be able to cut myself slack over the fact that I'm a bit delayed.
Yeah, you are too hard on yourself. Sometimes it's good cause it's motivational, other times it creates too much self-doubt, which isn't good.
ReplyDeleteAs for the age thing, I probably look younger than my actual age (a lot of asians are blessed by that). When I was 45, I got carded at the supermarket. Their sign says they card anyone who looks under 30. Haha, I was way over 30, it was kind of a backhanded compliment.
Obviously I'm older now, but I do enjoy younger eye candy. That's why I'm a fan of casey.
http://gayvidsonly.tumblr.com/post/40504568247/boysareus1-fratmen-casey-and-mick-21-min
There's different ways to determine "age" other than chronological age. I don't think of myself necessarily in my late-20s, though it's scary to stop and think that sometimes.
ReplyDelete