I know there are plenty of gay guys that have strong opinions about politics. One interesting thing about Handsome Guy was that he was a Republican. It made sense. He grew up on a farm, he's a small business owner and works in finance. When it comes to LGBT issues, his stance was the Republican Party would eventually come around. So he votes based on economic issues.
Personally, I'm not the kind of guy who would make blanket statements such as "I'll never date someone who votes Republican!" I consider myself politically moderate myself.
What are your opinions? Do you think there is an inherent contradiction to being a gay Republican? Would you date someone who was one?
Friday, June 27, 2014
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
Someday
Well, my intuition about Handsome Guy was correct. After trying a couple times to narrow down another time to meet up he texted me that he just didn't feel a connection. Now if I had been more invested this may have rubbed me the wrong way. Four dates (with bedroom play) into dating, I think, should be more on the phone conversation or in-person chat side of things. But, I didn't react too much. Probably since I had already taken his uncommunicative last couple of weeks as a sign of disinterest, so I wasn't blindsided. I texted him "It's cool man." He thanked me for taking it so well. I responded with, "It's never easy." We chatted back and forth a bit. I suggested he still wasn't quite over his recent break-up (he clearly wasn't), and he responded with a sad, "Yeah, that could be the problem too. Nobody will ever match." I hear you man.
I gave him the advice that I also constantly give myself. It's true that no one will ever match our ex exactly. But that doesn't mean we can't find someone else we can develop feelings for. It will be different, but that doesn't mean it can't be just as good if not better. In fact, if the person values us enough to put work into the relationship and not cut and run in search of greener grass, then that's definitely better!
It's a delicate balance trying to maintain hope of finding someone while also trying to get into the mindset of not needing someone. It seems there are two ways to go. Either the "some day my prince will come" type of thinking, or the "my prince may never come, but I'll still be okay either way." The second way of thinking seems more depressing, but at the same time seems to be the healthier option.
I do think a lot about some of the quality guys that I have let go because the feelings just weren't there for me. Wes and especially Steve being the most recent instances. Steve really would make a good, caring and fun boyfriend. But I just couldn't get excited about him. My greatest fear is holding out for another feeling like Ben gave me and passing great matches by and winding up alone because of it.
How do I know my attraction for my ex was healthy? How do I know the very characteristics that caused him to wall me out and cut me off weren't what drew me to him in the first place?
I gave him the advice that I also constantly give myself. It's true that no one will ever match our ex exactly. But that doesn't mean we can't find someone else we can develop feelings for. It will be different, but that doesn't mean it can't be just as good if not better. In fact, if the person values us enough to put work into the relationship and not cut and run in search of greener grass, then that's definitely better!
It's a delicate balance trying to maintain hope of finding someone while also trying to get into the mindset of not needing someone. It seems there are two ways to go. Either the "some day my prince will come" type of thinking, or the "my prince may never come, but I'll still be okay either way." The second way of thinking seems more depressing, but at the same time seems to be the healthier option.
I do think a lot about some of the quality guys that I have let go because the feelings just weren't there for me. Wes and especially Steve being the most recent instances. Steve really would make a good, caring and fun boyfriend. But I just couldn't get excited about him. My greatest fear is holding out for another feeling like Ben gave me and passing great matches by and winding up alone because of it.
How do I know my attraction for my ex was healthy? How do I know the very characteristics that caused him to wall me out and cut me off weren't what drew me to him in the first place?
Monday, June 23, 2014
June Adventures
I'm still seeing the handsome guy . . . or at least I think I am? We've seen each other a total of four times. And I haven't seen him in the last two weeks. Now, that included my trip to the San Francisco area, but still . . . he used to check in at least once every other day or so via text now he doesn't so much. He is in the middle of a big move and has been working long hours so that might explain part of it. At the same time, if he was really that into me you'd think he would be making more of an effort.
So I've continued meeting up with other guys. I met up with this really cute Brazilian guy over the weekend. He is young, an exchange undergraduate student, but I had a good time with him. Then I met up with a guy from Grindr on Sunday. He seemed like a really nice guy, but I just didn't feel much attraction for him. He liked me though, so I had to respond to his "let's hang out again" text today with the never pleasant let-him-down-gently text.
My San Francisco trip was fun. I spent time with my two friends who live there (YouTube Guy, aka Steven, and his boyfriend Jack), saw a friend from college and his wife, and then on my last day I met up with a guy that I had chatted with on Grindr when he was visiting California several months ago. He was really cool and I had a great time with him (figures). We were amazingly similar in our interests and also had some parallels in our career paths. I definitely plan to stay in touch with him, and if life ever brings me to the bay I definitely know who I'm looking up!
Between my new SF friend and Texas guy, it certainly seems that the guys I click with best tend to be from elsewhere. Sigh. I'll keep chugging.
While in SF, Jack acted as my gay mentor as he often does. He took me clothes shopping to get some more form-fitting clothes of brighter colors than make up my usual palette. Nina and her boyfriend arrived while I was in the dressing room so all three of them plus the gap girl had their say. According to the gap girl, I need to do more squats.
One thing that Jack likes to dish out is dating advice, but I take a lot of it with a grain of salt. I have always used the "be yourself" approach, but he is a proponent of various dating rules such as keeping your emotions close to your chest early on, leave them wanting more, etc. I guess there's something to be said for that, but at the same time I feel like those who play games are more likely to attract other game players.
In other news, improv is going awesomely and is still the highlight of my week. I had multiple shows over the weekend and they all went very well. One particular game I played ended up being the troupe leader's favorite of the night, so he put it up on our troupe YouTube channel.
I am finally applying for a new job title at work, something that I should have done a long, long time ago. It was so hard to focus on that when I was so concerned with coming out, dating, having my first relationship, losing my relationship, struggling with depression, healing, etc. etc. But the time has come. As has the time to finally get serious about the next step. It's been hard to overcome the inertia I've built up, but it's going to have to be done.
So I've continued meeting up with other guys. I met up with this really cute Brazilian guy over the weekend. He is young, an exchange undergraduate student, but I had a good time with him. Then I met up with a guy from Grindr on Sunday. He seemed like a really nice guy, but I just didn't feel much attraction for him. He liked me though, so I had to respond to his "let's hang out again" text today with the never pleasant let-him-down-gently text.
My San Francisco trip was fun. I spent time with my two friends who live there (YouTube Guy, aka Steven, and his boyfriend Jack), saw a friend from college and his wife, and then on my last day I met up with a guy that I had chatted with on Grindr when he was visiting California several months ago. He was really cool and I had a great time with him (figures). We were amazingly similar in our interests and also had some parallels in our career paths. I definitely plan to stay in touch with him, and if life ever brings me to the bay I definitely know who I'm looking up!
Between my new SF friend and Texas guy, it certainly seems that the guys I click with best tend to be from elsewhere. Sigh. I'll keep chugging.
While in SF, Jack acted as my gay mentor as he often does. He took me clothes shopping to get some more form-fitting clothes of brighter colors than make up my usual palette. Nina and her boyfriend arrived while I was in the dressing room so all three of them plus the gap girl had their say. According to the gap girl, I need to do more squats.
One thing that Jack likes to dish out is dating advice, but I take a lot of it with a grain of salt. I have always used the "be yourself" approach, but he is a proponent of various dating rules such as keeping your emotions close to your chest early on, leave them wanting more, etc. I guess there's something to be said for that, but at the same time I feel like those who play games are more likely to attract other game players.
In other news, improv is going awesomely and is still the highlight of my week. I had multiple shows over the weekend and they all went very well. One particular game I played ended up being the troupe leader's favorite of the night, so he put it up on our troupe YouTube channel.
I am finally applying for a new job title at work, something that I should have done a long, long time ago. It was so hard to focus on that when I was so concerned with coming out, dating, having my first relationship, losing my relationship, struggling with depression, healing, etc. etc. But the time has come. As has the time to finally get serious about the next step. It's been hard to overcome the inertia I've built up, but it's going to have to be done.
Sunday, June 1, 2014
Entering Summer
Hello everyone!
A little update. Things have been busy so I haven't been blogging much.
I haven't seen Steve since I ended our dating relationship, but we're still planning to hang out at some point. I do like the guy and do feel bummed that it didn't work out.
However, I have started seeing a guy with a much higher attraction factor for me, which definitely clues me in on what was lacking with Steve. This guy is one of the most handsome guys I've dated. Our first date went quite well, with us kissing and cuddling by the end of it. The second date ended with bedroom fun, which is something I haven't done it quite a while. I ran into the old problem of not being able to finish, which I think is probably anxiety-related. This guy isn't quite as communicative as Steve was (doesn't text very often) so I'm playing it cool. He had a hurtful breakup in January, which adds to my caution. I definitely wasn't ready for a relationship five months after my breakup. So I'm waiting to see whether this guy actually has interest in me or whether he's just looking for fun to heal his heart. Another thing . . . I found out he is actually the ex of one of the first guys I went out with, 2 years ago. I remember that guy telling me the story of his heartbreak. Not sure I should be getting involved with someone who has broken the heart of someone else, but then again heartbreak happens all the time.
I am also still in touch with the Texas guy! That long distance friendship has definitely turned out to have legs! Now I'd just like to meet him in person. We're both going to be in San Francisco this month, but on different weekends.
A brief aside to play the broken record: still thinking about Ben too much. Dreamed about him the other night and woke up in a bad mood. I don't know what I can do to continue to get over him, it's been so long now! I KNOW I over-idealize him. But it's so hard to logic away the feelings. I don't feel like I'm healing any more and I just want my heart to catch up to my brain and realize that that emotionally fickle, dishonest, impulsive fool was not the great match for me I thought he was.
In non love-related news, I have now performed in more than 20 improv shows. Becoming a performer has really changed my life. It has given me the creative outlet I craved for a long time and has given me something new to put my energy toward. Hurray for that!
A little update. Things have been busy so I haven't been blogging much.
I haven't seen Steve since I ended our dating relationship, but we're still planning to hang out at some point. I do like the guy and do feel bummed that it didn't work out.
However, I have started seeing a guy with a much higher attraction factor for me, which definitely clues me in on what was lacking with Steve. This guy is one of the most handsome guys I've dated. Our first date went quite well, with us kissing and cuddling by the end of it. The second date ended with bedroom fun, which is something I haven't done it quite a while. I ran into the old problem of not being able to finish, which I think is probably anxiety-related. This guy isn't quite as communicative as Steve was (doesn't text very often) so I'm playing it cool. He had a hurtful breakup in January, which adds to my caution. I definitely wasn't ready for a relationship five months after my breakup. So I'm waiting to see whether this guy actually has interest in me or whether he's just looking for fun to heal his heart. Another thing . . . I found out he is actually the ex of one of the first guys I went out with, 2 years ago. I remember that guy telling me the story of his heartbreak. Not sure I should be getting involved with someone who has broken the heart of someone else, but then again heartbreak happens all the time.
I am also still in touch with the Texas guy! That long distance friendship has definitely turned out to have legs! Now I'd just like to meet him in person. We're both going to be in San Francisco this month, but on different weekends.
A brief aside to play the broken record: still thinking about Ben too much. Dreamed about him the other night and woke up in a bad mood. I don't know what I can do to continue to get over him, it's been so long now! I KNOW I over-idealize him. But it's so hard to logic away the feelings. I don't feel like I'm healing any more and I just want my heart to catch up to my brain and realize that that emotionally fickle, dishonest, impulsive fool was not the great match for me I thought he was.
In non love-related news, I have now performed in more than 20 improv shows. Becoming a performer has really changed my life. It has given me the creative outlet I craved for a long time and has given me something new to put my energy toward. Hurray for that!
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