Hello everyone!
A little update. Things have been busy so I haven't been blogging much.
I haven't seen Steve since I ended our dating relationship, but we're still planning to hang out at some point. I do like the guy and do feel bummed that it didn't work out.
However, I have started seeing a guy with a much higher attraction factor for me, which definitely clues me in on what was lacking with Steve. This guy is one of the most handsome guys I've dated. Our first date went quite well, with us kissing and cuddling by the end of it. The second date ended with bedroom fun, which is something I haven't done it quite a while. I ran into the old problem of not being able to finish, which I think is probably anxiety-related. This guy isn't quite as communicative as Steve was (doesn't text very often) so I'm playing it cool. He had a hurtful breakup in January, which adds to my caution. I definitely wasn't ready for a relationship five months after my breakup. So I'm waiting to see whether this guy actually has interest in me or whether he's just looking for fun to heal his heart. Another thing . . . I found out he is actually the ex of one of the first guys I went out with, 2 years ago. I remember that guy telling me the story of his heartbreak. Not sure I should be getting involved with someone who has broken the heart of someone else, but then again heartbreak happens all the time.
I am also still in touch with the Texas guy! That long distance friendship has definitely turned out to have legs! Now I'd just like to meet him in person. We're both going to be in San Francisco this month, but on different weekends.
A brief aside to play the broken record: still thinking about Ben too much. Dreamed about him the other night and woke up in a bad mood. I don't know what I can do to continue to get over him, it's been so long now! I KNOW I over-idealize him. But it's so hard to logic away the feelings. I don't feel like I'm healing any more and I just want my heart to catch up to my brain and realize that that emotionally fickle, dishonest, impulsive fool was not the great match for me I thought he was.
In non love-related news, I have now performed in more than 20 improv shows. Becoming a performer has really changed my life. It has given me the creative outlet I craved for a long time and has given me something new to put my energy toward. Hurray for that!
Showing posts with label Steve. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Steve. Show all posts
Sunday, June 1, 2014
Friday, May 16, 2014
And then John was a zombie
What's with the weird blog title? Well according to the very addictive website TV Tropes, "And then John was a zombie" is "a situation in which a character, frequently a protagonist, is turned into the very thing he or she has been fighting."
What does this have to do with anything? Well, read on.
As the weeks went by since my last entry, I continued to hang out with Steve once or twice a week. We would cuddle, we would kiss. We would joke. Our trip down to see Ron's play was fun. Warning sign one: I found myself more physically drawn to Ron than Steve, even though dating with Ron had fizzled due to the distance and all the things going on in Ron's life.
I couldn't find any glaring incompatibilities and I genuinely enjoyed Steve's company, so I continued to see him. There were some small issues. He definitely was more of a texter than I am. I prefer talking on the phone over the impersonal, imprecise and easily misconstrued excuse for communication that is texting. I explained this to him, and I had a nice conversation on the phone with him a couple times. But he told me he's not really one to initiate phone conversations, partially because he's busy a lot. Sometimes when too much time passed before I texted him he would send a passive-aggressive type of text like "How are you, silent boy?" or the worst one, "Are you still alive?" This really grated . . . bringing back memories of Brody.
Earlier this month I fell into a funk. Cinco de Mayo rolled around, which was the two year anniversary of the start of my relationship with Ben. Thoughts of him always turn into a vicious cycle. I'll think about him and get sad, then try to block out the thoughts and get angry at myself for still thinking about him, then get frustrated that I need to be so hard on myself in order to block the thoughts . . . then I start thinking about memories of him to make me feel better, then I get sad again.
Steve texted me during one of my sad days, and I told him I was feeling a bit moody. He offered a listening ear, and I decided to open up to him about my OCD tendencies and my lingering hurt over my break-up. He was very understanding, and I was glad we talked about it. Still, as my experience with Brody taught me, you have to be careful of how much you talk about your ex with someone who has feelings for you . . . so I didn't go into much detail.
Last night I went over to Steve's place to watch a comedy special with him. Afterward we cuddled on the couch a bit, but I could sense he wanted more. I was just not feeling it. At one point he said in a semi-joking tone, "You're confusing." I knew he wasn't joking.
I had known I needed to talk to him about where we were going, and now was the time. "I feel like we should talk," I said. I told him that even though I really liked him, the feelings just weren't there for me.
This was where the conversation took an unexpected turn: we started talking about how Steve had felt during the time he was seeing me. He felt like he had had to reign in his usual flirtatious behavior because he felt it was not reciprocated. His passive-aggressive texts (which he acknowledged were inappropriate and inferior to being direct) were due to frustration over feeling like it was always him initiating communication (one of his pet-peeves). He felt like I was holding back a lot of the time. As our conversation continued I realized this was the first time I was really being completely open and honest with him. He stated that this Cal was much more attractive than the inhibited guy I had been lately.
I explained to him that I felt I had overcompensated. That since being dumped by the guy I loved I have made it a priority not to do to others what had been done to me. Not to lead them on, and to try to protect their feelings at all costs. Steve took issue with this. "I'm gonna call you out on your bullshit," he said. "I'm a grown-up, and I don't need you to protect me. Relationships come with the risk of getting hurt. It's not your responsibility to protect me from that. I can take care of myself." He also suggested that I was over-thinking things way to much (surprise surprise).
This was probably the part of the conversation when I started to break down. Yes, that's right. I was letting a dating prospect go, and I was the one that was crying. He had hit a little close to home. I realized with horror that by trying so hard not to do what Ben had done to me, I had nevertheless become Ben in my brief relationship with Steve. By trying to protect Steve from hurt, I was shooting any potential relationship in the foot. I didn't reciprocate affectionate gestures because I wasn't sure of my feelings and was so concerned about leading him on. I kept my true self shielded because I wasn't sure how I felt and hoped the feelings would kick in. But feelings can't kick in if you guard yourself. It is only by opening up, by being vulnerable, that feelings are allowed to grow. The flower of love needs oxygen . . . it doesn't need to be held under a magnifying glass. It's a metaphor I told myself countless times after my relationship ended.
Steve told me that at times he had felt a glimmer of potential with me, but in the last week or so his feelings had cooled since it didn't feel like we were progressing anywhere. The slowness made him feel we had more of a "weird friendship" than anything else.
Well, suffice it to say I felt quite bad that I had hurt him. And to his credit, he admitted that he should have brought it up sooner. Overall he was very understanding. He told me I'm a genuinely good guy, and despite my indecisiveness, I'm a lot more of an adult than any of the other guys he has dated. He ended up confiding in him a bit about some of my self-worth issues and the way I put so much pressure on myself. I swear, I got a lot out of that conversation. At the end we both agreed that we really want to remain friends.
I would like that a lot. And unlike Ben, I fully plan to be proactive about it.
Come to think of it, even though in my dating relationship with Steve I took on some of Ben's avoidant characteristics, ultimately the ending was different.
I did not lie. I did not tell anyone I loved them. I did not give false hope of reconciliation. I did not promise a friendship that I had no intention of actively pursuing. And when we had the discussion, I opened up about my own baggage. Something that Ben was never quite comfortable doing.
Maybe in this case, John isn't a zombie after all.
What does this have to do with anything? Well, read on.
As the weeks went by since my last entry, I continued to hang out with Steve once or twice a week. We would cuddle, we would kiss. We would joke. Our trip down to see Ron's play was fun. Warning sign one: I found myself more physically drawn to Ron than Steve, even though dating with Ron had fizzled due to the distance and all the things going on in Ron's life.
I couldn't find any glaring incompatibilities and I genuinely enjoyed Steve's company, so I continued to see him. There were some small issues. He definitely was more of a texter than I am. I prefer talking on the phone over the impersonal, imprecise and easily misconstrued excuse for communication that is texting. I explained this to him, and I had a nice conversation on the phone with him a couple times. But he told me he's not really one to initiate phone conversations, partially because he's busy a lot. Sometimes when too much time passed before I texted him he would send a passive-aggressive type of text like "How are you, silent boy?" or the worst one, "Are you still alive?" This really grated . . . bringing back memories of Brody.
Earlier this month I fell into a funk. Cinco de Mayo rolled around, which was the two year anniversary of the start of my relationship with Ben. Thoughts of him always turn into a vicious cycle. I'll think about him and get sad, then try to block out the thoughts and get angry at myself for still thinking about him, then get frustrated that I need to be so hard on myself in order to block the thoughts . . . then I start thinking about memories of him to make me feel better, then I get sad again.
Steve texted me during one of my sad days, and I told him I was feeling a bit moody. He offered a listening ear, and I decided to open up to him about my OCD tendencies and my lingering hurt over my break-up. He was very understanding, and I was glad we talked about it. Still, as my experience with Brody taught me, you have to be careful of how much you talk about your ex with someone who has feelings for you . . . so I didn't go into much detail.
Last night I went over to Steve's place to watch a comedy special with him. Afterward we cuddled on the couch a bit, but I could sense he wanted more. I was just not feeling it. At one point he said in a semi-joking tone, "You're confusing." I knew he wasn't joking.
I had known I needed to talk to him about where we were going, and now was the time. "I feel like we should talk," I said. I told him that even though I really liked him, the feelings just weren't there for me.
This was where the conversation took an unexpected turn: we started talking about how Steve had felt during the time he was seeing me. He felt like he had had to reign in his usual flirtatious behavior because he felt it was not reciprocated. His passive-aggressive texts (which he acknowledged were inappropriate and inferior to being direct) were due to frustration over feeling like it was always him initiating communication (one of his pet-peeves). He felt like I was holding back a lot of the time. As our conversation continued I realized this was the first time I was really being completely open and honest with him. He stated that this Cal was much more attractive than the inhibited guy I had been lately.
I explained to him that I felt I had overcompensated. That since being dumped by the guy I loved I have made it a priority not to do to others what had been done to me. Not to lead them on, and to try to protect their feelings at all costs. Steve took issue with this. "I'm gonna call you out on your bullshit," he said. "I'm a grown-up, and I don't need you to protect me. Relationships come with the risk of getting hurt. It's not your responsibility to protect me from that. I can take care of myself." He also suggested that I was over-thinking things way to much (surprise surprise).
This was probably the part of the conversation when I started to break down. Yes, that's right. I was letting a dating prospect go, and I was the one that was crying. He had hit a little close to home. I realized with horror that by trying so hard not to do what Ben had done to me, I had nevertheless become Ben in my brief relationship with Steve. By trying to protect Steve from hurt, I was shooting any potential relationship in the foot. I didn't reciprocate affectionate gestures because I wasn't sure of my feelings and was so concerned about leading him on. I kept my true self shielded because I wasn't sure how I felt and hoped the feelings would kick in. But feelings can't kick in if you guard yourself. It is only by opening up, by being vulnerable, that feelings are allowed to grow. The flower of love needs oxygen . . . it doesn't need to be held under a magnifying glass. It's a metaphor I told myself countless times after my relationship ended.
Steve told me that at times he had felt a glimmer of potential with me, but in the last week or so his feelings had cooled since it didn't feel like we were progressing anywhere. The slowness made him feel we had more of a "weird friendship" than anything else.
Well, suffice it to say I felt quite bad that I had hurt him. And to his credit, he admitted that he should have brought it up sooner. Overall he was very understanding. He told me I'm a genuinely good guy, and despite my indecisiveness, I'm a lot more of an adult than any of the other guys he has dated. He ended up confiding in him a bit about some of my self-worth issues and the way I put so much pressure on myself. I swear, I got a lot out of that conversation. At the end we both agreed that we really want to remain friends.
I would like that a lot. And unlike Ben, I fully plan to be proactive about it.
Come to think of it, even though in my dating relationship with Steve I took on some of Ben's avoidant characteristics, ultimately the ending was different.
I did not lie. I did not tell anyone I loved them. I did not give false hope of reconciliation. I did not promise a friendship that I had no intention of actively pursuing. And when we had the discussion, I opened up about my own baggage. Something that Ben was never quite comfortable doing.
Maybe in this case, John isn't a zombie after all.
Saturday, April 26, 2014
A coming out long in the making
So what's new in the Wonderful World of Cal?
I'm still seeing Steve. He's a really cool guy. Super sweet, really nice. Not quite feeling "sparks" but I'm giving it a little time to get to know him. We're going to see a play tomorrow, so that should be fun. Ron, the last guy I sorta-dated, is the violinist. I've informed them both though, so I don't think it will be awkward. It will be good to see Ron again, and to get a chance to get to know Steve a little bit better. We've only had weeknight dates up to this point since we've both been so busy (he went to Spain for a week, then I spent two consecutive weekends in LA).
Speaking of my trips to LA, they were a lot of fun (well, other than the fender bender I was involved in on the way back from the first one . . . LA traffic UGH). I made some new gay friends, including a really cute couple. One is 25 and the other is 20, and they are both super nice. I've gotten to know the 25-year-old a bit better, as has my friend Sam. They are both gay Christians and go to grad school at the same school, so they have a lot to talk about. Another new friend I made actually came to see me perform in my shows the other night, which was really cool of him! We hung out a bit afterward.
Other big news: my cousin, Roger came out to me at long last. His sexuality has been an open secret for quite some time. In fact, when I came out to him more than two years ago, I was half expecting him to reciprocate. When he didn't, I second guessed myself a bit. I resolved to wait until he felt comfortable, rather than push him.
Fast forward some time and it became pretty blatantly obvious that he is gay, but he still hadn't told me. He demonstrated a familiarity with West Hollywood that put mine to shame, had an Instragram account full of beefcake selfies (he is quite ripped), disappeared some nights we hung out with suspiciously weak stories about where he'd been . . . Basically his other two brothers and I had made up our minds about him and were just waiting for him to come out. Except he didn't.
The final straw happened last weekend in two parts. First, my new friend the 25 year old let slip that Roger had come out to him, but had said "Don't tell Cal." (WTF??) Second, I found what was obviously Roger's Grindr account. That night I finally had a talk with Roger, and expressed how I was feeling rather shafted by his secrecy. I told him I had opened out to him two years prior despite some hesitation about how he would take it, but felt I needed to do it because I had suspected he might be dealing with similar issues. I told him how I felt like he didn't trust me, and I wanted to assure him that he could trust me.
I never wanted to push him like this, but he has a bit of a naive streak and I have been worried as of late that he might be taken advantage of or get in a bad situation. My trust of him and comfort around him was also starting to be affected, since it was so apparent that he was keeping things from me when I was always so honest with him. I didn't want our relationship to begin to erode.
Bottom line, the conversation went very well. He opened up to me about exactly how long he had been keeping it a secret (he's one of those who has pretty much always known). I told him how despite his attempts, it wasn't much of a secret. He was actually quite surprised to know this . . . he had thought he had been doing a good job. He gave me permission to tell his brothers about our conversation, so I said I would (and I did the next day . . . turns out the older one Gavin already knew, because Roger had fessed up to Gavin's fiancee when she asked). His parents, however, are off limits. I wouldn't want to tell them anyway (even though Roger is the one who outed me to them . . . what can I say, I'm not one to retaliate haha).
I do feel like he will be better off after he tells his parents, but that is something he has to do in his own time. But now that his two brothers and I have been brought into the "circle of trust," I told him we will have his back whenever he chooses to do it.
Already in the last week he seems a lot more at ease and has been sharing more with me than ever about himself and his burgeoning dating life. Hurray!
I'm still seeing Steve. He's a really cool guy. Super sweet, really nice. Not quite feeling "sparks" but I'm giving it a little time to get to know him. We're going to see a play tomorrow, so that should be fun. Ron, the last guy I sorta-dated, is the violinist. I've informed them both though, so I don't think it will be awkward. It will be good to see Ron again, and to get a chance to get to know Steve a little bit better. We've only had weeknight dates up to this point since we've both been so busy (he went to Spain for a week, then I spent two consecutive weekends in LA).
Speaking of my trips to LA, they were a lot of fun (well, other than the fender bender I was involved in on the way back from the first one . . . LA traffic UGH). I made some new gay friends, including a really cute couple. One is 25 and the other is 20, and they are both super nice. I've gotten to know the 25-year-old a bit better, as has my friend Sam. They are both gay Christians and go to grad school at the same school, so they have a lot to talk about. Another new friend I made actually came to see me perform in my shows the other night, which was really cool of him! We hung out a bit afterward.
Other big news: my cousin, Roger came out to me at long last. His sexuality has been an open secret for quite some time. In fact, when I came out to him more than two years ago, I was half expecting him to reciprocate. When he didn't, I second guessed myself a bit. I resolved to wait until he felt comfortable, rather than push him.
Fast forward some time and it became pretty blatantly obvious that he is gay, but he still hadn't told me. He demonstrated a familiarity with West Hollywood that put mine to shame, had an Instragram account full of beefcake selfies (he is quite ripped), disappeared some nights we hung out with suspiciously weak stories about where he'd been . . . Basically his other two brothers and I had made up our minds about him and were just waiting for him to come out. Except he didn't.
The final straw happened last weekend in two parts. First, my new friend the 25 year old let slip that Roger had come out to him, but had said "Don't tell Cal." (WTF??) Second, I found what was obviously Roger's Grindr account. That night I finally had a talk with Roger, and expressed how I was feeling rather shafted by his secrecy. I told him I had opened out to him two years prior despite some hesitation about how he would take it, but felt I needed to do it because I had suspected he might be dealing with similar issues. I told him how I felt like he didn't trust me, and I wanted to assure him that he could trust me.
I never wanted to push him like this, but he has a bit of a naive streak and I have been worried as of late that he might be taken advantage of or get in a bad situation. My trust of him and comfort around him was also starting to be affected, since it was so apparent that he was keeping things from me when I was always so honest with him. I didn't want our relationship to begin to erode.
Bottom line, the conversation went very well. He opened up to me about exactly how long he had been keeping it a secret (he's one of those who has pretty much always known). I told him how despite his attempts, it wasn't much of a secret. He was actually quite surprised to know this . . . he had thought he had been doing a good job. He gave me permission to tell his brothers about our conversation, so I said I would (and I did the next day . . . turns out the older one Gavin already knew, because Roger had fessed up to Gavin's fiancee when she asked). His parents, however, are off limits. I wouldn't want to tell them anyway (even though Roger is the one who outed me to them . . . what can I say, I'm not one to retaliate haha).
I do feel like he will be better off after he tells his parents, but that is something he has to do in his own time. But now that his two brothers and I have been brought into the "circle of trust," I told him we will have his back whenever he chooses to do it.
Already in the last week he seems a lot more at ease and has been sharing more with me than ever about himself and his burgeoning dating life. Hurray!
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Dates with Steve, and Vegas
Phew, I'm exhausted. I signed up for a two month long online fitness class and just tried one of the workouts. It was a lot more volume than I'm used to, and I've been out of the gym for several weeks due to being sick (again, argh).
Aaaanyways . . .
I've gone out with Jake's friend several times now. So I guess he deserves his own pseudonym . . . let's call him Steve. Steve is a really cool guy. He's got a great personality. Really funny (sarcasm and self-deprecation are his specialties, haha) and nice. He's pretty cute, though he has a beard which is not usually my preference. We have a lot in common, including a love of entertainment (including improv, he loved it even before he saw my show), music, and traveling (in fact, he's traveling abroad this week). He's also by all appearances quite interested in me. I hung out at his place after the second date (we didn't do anything as I was still sick), and after the third date we made out and cuddled in the back of his car.
Intellectually, I feel a lot more compatibility than I did with one of my more recent prospects, Wes. Distance-wise, he lives a LOT closer than Ron (only about 15-20 minutes away).
Sounds like a match, right? Well, I still have my apprehensions. The excitement-right-off-the-bat feeling wasn't there with him. And I still have that fear of hurting someone that tends to get activated when someone shows a lot of interest in me early on that I don't quite reciprocate.
I'm actually kind of glad that he's out of the country this week. It gives me some time to relax and get my head straight before he returns and we continue spending time together. I am definitely enjoying his company and definitely want to get to know him better. I just need to make sure that things go at the right pace. This one seems promising, but I want to make sure I proceed properly.
Meanwhile, my long-distance flirtationship with the Texan is still going. We check in with each other at least a couple times a week, send each other pictures and occasionally get into conversations. Hopefully our correspondence can continue, if in a toned down fashion, when I get into a relationship locally. It would be cool to meet in person and make a new friend someday. I must say, I get more excitement from him . . . perhaps it's the unavailability due to distance.
My mood is much improved. I do still think about my last relationship a lot, and do still miss Ben quite a bit. But I'm not overly sad about it very much lately. I had a conversation with Janice on the phone yesterday, and she always helps me put things in perspective. She reminded me that even if Ben is still with the guy he replaced me with in 3 months, it doesn't necessarily mean that the relationship is healthier. In fact, she suggested that maybe it has more conflict than ours did. Maybe in some way that's what he wants. More little fights might distract him from his tendency to gaze at greener grass. It was an interesting theory, and it made me feel better even though I know such speculation is pointless and the state of his current relationship doesn't and shouldn't concern me. Eventually I hope to reach the point of total indifference. In the meantime, such speculation gives me alternative scenarios to think about besides "I wasn't good enough."
As the preceding paragraph probably makes clear, I am certainly not over Ben entirely. It has been a looong time, and though I do feel I continue to make progress, I am also self-conscious of the fact that I am not yet over it and do worry about the implications for any future relationships. At the same time, I feel like a new relationship could help further my healing process.
In other recent news, I went on a Las Vegas trip with a bunch of (straight friends). They took me to a strip club, which was my first experience going to one. They wanted to go to one that had both female and male strippers, but by the time we got there (Club Sapphire), the male strippers were gone. That was NOT my scene. I lasted maybe 20 minutes before I started to get very anxious and had to leave and take a taxi back to the hotel. Would I be more comfortable around male strippers? Maybe. Although one thing I didn't like was how aggressive the strippers are. If you could just sit back and enjoy the sights without being targeted that'd be one thing, but it seems as soon as you sit down some girl is coming to offer you a lap dance. Right when I first walked into the bar a girl with a real bad attitude tried to lead me to the bar to get (her) a drink. She kept asking me the same questions over and over ("What's your name? Where are you from?") and seemed just generally out of it. I pawned her off on my friend and went and hid in the bathroom. I'm not ashamed. Haha.
So that was my strip club experience!
Aaaanyways . . .
I've gone out with Jake's friend several times now. So I guess he deserves his own pseudonym . . . let's call him Steve. Steve is a really cool guy. He's got a great personality. Really funny (sarcasm and self-deprecation are his specialties, haha) and nice. He's pretty cute, though he has a beard which is not usually my preference. We have a lot in common, including a love of entertainment (including improv, he loved it even before he saw my show), music, and traveling (in fact, he's traveling abroad this week). He's also by all appearances quite interested in me. I hung out at his place after the second date (we didn't do anything as I was still sick), and after the third date we made out and cuddled in the back of his car.
Intellectually, I feel a lot more compatibility than I did with one of my more recent prospects, Wes. Distance-wise, he lives a LOT closer than Ron (only about 15-20 minutes away).
Sounds like a match, right? Well, I still have my apprehensions. The excitement-right-off-the-bat feeling wasn't there with him. And I still have that fear of hurting someone that tends to get activated when someone shows a lot of interest in me early on that I don't quite reciprocate.
I'm actually kind of glad that he's out of the country this week. It gives me some time to relax and get my head straight before he returns and we continue spending time together. I am definitely enjoying his company and definitely want to get to know him better. I just need to make sure that things go at the right pace. This one seems promising, but I want to make sure I proceed properly.
Meanwhile, my long-distance flirtationship with the Texan is still going. We check in with each other at least a couple times a week, send each other pictures and occasionally get into conversations. Hopefully our correspondence can continue, if in a toned down fashion, when I get into a relationship locally. It would be cool to meet in person and make a new friend someday. I must say, I get more excitement from him . . . perhaps it's the unavailability due to distance.
My mood is much improved. I do still think about my last relationship a lot, and do still miss Ben quite a bit. But I'm not overly sad about it very much lately. I had a conversation with Janice on the phone yesterday, and she always helps me put things in perspective. She reminded me that even if Ben is still with the guy he replaced me with in 3 months, it doesn't necessarily mean that the relationship is healthier. In fact, she suggested that maybe it has more conflict than ours did. Maybe in some way that's what he wants. More little fights might distract him from his tendency to gaze at greener grass. It was an interesting theory, and it made me feel better even though I know such speculation is pointless and the state of his current relationship doesn't and shouldn't concern me. Eventually I hope to reach the point of total indifference. In the meantime, such speculation gives me alternative scenarios to think about besides "I wasn't good enough."
As the preceding paragraph probably makes clear, I am certainly not over Ben entirely. It has been a looong time, and though I do feel I continue to make progress, I am also self-conscious of the fact that I am not yet over it and do worry about the implications for any future relationships. At the same time, I feel like a new relationship could help further my healing process.
In other recent news, I went on a Las Vegas trip with a bunch of (straight friends). They took me to a strip club, which was my first experience going to one. They wanted to go to one that had both female and male strippers, but by the time we got there (Club Sapphire), the male strippers were gone. That was NOT my scene. I lasted maybe 20 minutes before I started to get very anxious and had to leave and take a taxi back to the hotel. Would I be more comfortable around male strippers? Maybe. Although one thing I didn't like was how aggressive the strippers are. If you could just sit back and enjoy the sights without being targeted that'd be one thing, but it seems as soon as you sit down some girl is coming to offer you a lap dance. Right when I first walked into the bar a girl with a real bad attitude tried to lead me to the bar to get (her) a drink. She kept asking me the same questions over and over ("What's your name? Where are you from?") and seemed just generally out of it. I pawned her off on my friend and went and hid in the bathroom. I'm not ashamed. Haha.
So that was my strip club experience!
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