Entering Summer

Hello everyone!

A little update. Things have been busy so I haven't been blogging much.

I haven't seen Steve since I ended our dating relationship, but we're still planning to hang out at some point. I do like the guy and do feel bummed that it didn't work out.

However, I have started seeing a guy with a much higher attraction factor for me, which definitely clues me in on what was lacking with Steve. This guy is one of the most handsome guys I've dated. Our first date went quite well, with us kissing and cuddling by the end of it. The second date ended with bedroom fun, which is something I haven't done it quite a while. I ran into the old problem of not being able to finish, which I think is probably anxiety-related. This guy isn't quite as communicative as Steve was (doesn't text very often) so I'm playing it cool. He had a hurtful breakup in January, which adds to my caution. I definitely wasn't ready for a relationship five months after my breakup. So I'm waiting to see whether this guy actually has interest in me or whether he's just looking for fun to heal his heart. Another thing . . . I found out he is actually the ex of one of the first guys I went out with, 2 years ago. I remember that guy telling me the story of his heartbreak. Not sure I should be getting involved with someone who has broken the heart of someone else, but then again heartbreak happens all the time.

I am also still in touch with the Texas guy! That long distance friendship has definitely turned out to have legs! Now I'd just like to meet him in person. We're both going to be in San Francisco this month, but on different weekends.

A brief aside to play the broken record: still thinking about Ben too much. Dreamed about him the other night and woke up in a bad mood. I don't know what I can do to continue to get over him, it's been so long now! I KNOW I over-idealize him. But it's so hard to logic away the feelings. I don't feel like I'm healing any more and I just want my heart to catch up to my brain and realize that that emotionally fickle, dishonest, impulsive fool was not the great match for me I thought he was.

In non love-related news, I have now performed in more than 20 improv shows. Becoming a performer has really changed my life. It has given me the creative outlet I craved for a long time and has given me something new to put my energy toward. Hurray for that!