Communication Breakdown

I've been feeling pretty good lately, despite the usual dating frustrations.

One recent good experience: YouTube Guy and his boyfriend came to SoCal to visit for Halloween. I had a great time with them, and they finally got to see one of my improv shows. I think seeing me in my artistic element helped YouTube Guy understand what I like about improv, how it helps me be present in the moment and get out of my head. He said that even being in the audience allowed him to unplug from the worries of life for a little while.

Overall their visit was greatly relaxing and lifted my spirits (which have already been decently high as of late).

On the dating front, I've started to ramp up my dating efforts again after taking some downtime following the last few disappointments. There's one guy in particular who lives near me that I've been getting to know. We had texted for a while and finally met up a few weeks ago. He seems like a really nice, considerate guy, which is nice. Consideration seems to be lacking lately from others.

This weekend especially, I experienced lack of consideration from multiple individuals:

Thomas. We had made plans to see a movie on Sunday. I was also hoping to finally have an opportunity to have the chat with him that I've been meaning to have, to clarify what happened between us. But when I texted him to confirm Saturday night, he told me he had to reschedule because a friend was in town. Why he waited for me to text him to tell me this, I don't know, but it rubbed me the wrong way.

Roger, my cousin. I was planning to hang out with him and stay over at his place in LA after going on a date in the area*. But all day long Roger was unresponsive via phone or text. I ended up making other plans**, and then had to drive home Saturday night instead of staying over in the city. Turns out he started partying early that morning, and was too . . . distracted to check his phone all day long. Here I was afraid that he was in trouble or something . . . anyway he contacted me the next day and was apologetic. But with the double whammy of that and Thomas's cancellation I was not feeling the love.

*So what about that LA date I went on? It was a guy from Tinder I'd been chatting with for quite some time. Super cute, and we had a nice conversation. We hung out for about 2 hours and had a lot in common. He walked me back to my car afterward and we parted ways (with me debating whether I should have kissed him . . .), but he said to hit him up next I was around. A couple days later, this guy who has been so responsive and friendly via text for the last several weeks is now rather unresponsive. What ever happened to guys saying "Sorry, I'm not interested?" Grow some balls fellas!

**And those other plans I made after my cousin flaked on me? Well I met up with another guy. Rather unusual for me to go straight from one date to another, but hey, I was in the city and this guy had been wanting to meet up for a while now. He wasn't really feeling up to going out, so I came over to his place. We watched a movie on TV, during which we chatted and cuddled, and then made out, and then jerked each other off. The whole time he seemed very interested, complimenting me on my body. And afterward he was talking about how next time he'd have to come to my neck of the woods. When we parted ways he asked me to text him when I got home. Well I did text him when I got home, and then again a few days later (today) to see how the rest of his weekend was. No answer.

It doesn't seem like it was always like this. I feel like when I first started dating a few years ago, it was the odd guy who would just plan disappear and give me the cold shoulder. Now it seems like nearly every guy is doing it. I don't know what's going on, but I don't like it. I pledge to never do that to someone. Letting the conversation fade out is one thing. But not responding to a message is just plain rude.

But at least I hadn't had time to develop feelings for either of those guys. My heart is becoming a little more resilient. I'll treat guys like that like pinball bumpers. They may jerk me around a little bit, but ultimately I'll just ricochet off with minimal momentum lost. Meanwhile, I'll be the change I want to see in the world. I won't use people like a means to an end, and if someone likes me I will not rudely give them the cold shoulder. As much as it can hurt to be rejected, being honest and direct is the grown-up, considerate way to be. I would rather someone tell me that it's not going to work out, and give a reason why so I can learn and grow. Because the only lesson I learn from the silent treatment is that the dating scene is full of assholes.

Hey, remember when I used to name my posts after song titles, and include the video for the song in question?