I had one of the latest nights in a long time last night.
It all started on Friday night, when I was performing in an improv show and was delighted to see two friends in the audience. They hadn't told me they were coming. One was Ali, the guy I met at Pride that I talked about in the last few entries. The other was his friend Dan, a mutual friend (who I actually went out with in the past as well). Between the two of them, I'm closer to Dan but still don't really know either of them very well at this point. Anyway, I was super happy that they came to my show. Dan and I texted a bit afterward and he invited me to go out with them and their other friend, Kevin on Saturday night.
Come Saturday night I met up with them and we went to dinner with a bunch of their other gay friends. Then to the gay bar, which was actually a lot of fun. I was quite conscious about how much I was drinking after a not-so-great experience a few weekends ago in West Hollywood (I was out with my cousin Roger's friends, drank too much and got sick for the first time ever), but I still had a good time. They are a really friendly group of guys, and Kevin is quite the party-animal. He drinks a bit too much (most of the times I've seen him he's been drunk) and then gets a little . . . overly affectionate. I was a bit conflicted, being a little tipsy myself. On the one hand, Kevin is really cute and seemed to be coming onto me. On the other hand, I didn't really want to be making out with him in front of Ali and Dan (especially since the last time I got drunk with them I made out with Ali . . . I don't really want to be that guy). So, long story short, we ended up at their friend's house and played cards while Kevin passed out on the couch. We didn't leave until 4:30 AM. It was fun to let loose and get to know my new friends, but at the same time I don't want to make that a habit.
I had a back-to-back pair of great first dates a few weeks ago. Unfortunately, after a great second date with the first guy, that one seems to have fizzled out. I had high hopes as he seemed to have good values and seemed to be impressed with my preference for relationships over hooking up, but now he doesn't message me anymore. As for the second guy, it has been several weeks since I met him since he had family in town, but we plan on meeting up again tomorrow. He seems like he has a good head on his shoulders and he's a late-bloomer like me, so we'll see how that goes.
That's about it, just thought I would write a little entry since it had been a while.
Later!
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Sunday, September 11, 2016
Sunday, June 26, 2016
A surprise at Pride
Recently I attended Pride with my cousin Roger. Originally, we had intended to only go to see one particular performance, and then we would leave and figure out other things to do. Perhaps see a movie or something. But as seems to happen at Pride, things don't always go according to plan . . .
Midway through the performance, I spotted two familiar faces. One was a guy that I've been Facebook friends with for several years, ever since we met at a mutual friend's birthday party. The other was his friend, who I had met on Grindr last year and went on several dates with (it kind of fizzled out after he got sick and had to cancel on me several times, after which communication died down). I'll call them Tyler and Dan. They were there with a third friend, Ali. All three had been at Pride for most of the day and were already in various stages of intoxication. I'll admit, I had been wanting to hang out with Tyler and his friends for quite some time. Tyler and I live close to one another and I don't have many gay friends that live close by, but all previous attempts to arrange a hang out had fallen through. Now, happenstance had put us in the same place at the same time. The boys were headed to another room of the venue, and Tyler invited Roger and me to come along. Despite the fact that we had come to see the show, we decided to follow them.
Ali seemed to take an immediate liking to me. He complimented me repeatedly throughout the night, telling me I was "so handsome". He was very cute himself. And so, for the second Pride in a row, I ended up finding a boy to tag along with and (once I had ample booze in me) make out with.
Another familiar face popped up during the night. This one belonged to a rather buff guy that I have seen on the dating websites and through mutual friends on Facebook. My only other time seeing him in person was when he was flirting with Roger in a bar about a year ago. Well, turns out the guy is Ali's ex-boyfriend. They seemed to be on good terms though. Although the dynamic between the two of them led to one slightly awkward, slightly awesome moment. Ali's ex had introduced himself to me and was asking me about myself (where do you live, etc.) He then asked, in a rather flirtatious manner, "Where's your boyfriend?" When I responded I didn't have one, he said, "Why not?" Before he could inquire further, Ali appeared and pulled him away. I couldn't hear what he said, but my guess was it was along the lines of "Lay off, he's mine!" It felt good to have two cute guys compete over me, even if they were both drunk, haha.
Roger managed to not drink as much as me (probably because he didn't have someone giving him drinks like Ali was doing for me), so Roger ended up driving us home. Tyler hitched a ride with us, since he lives close by. Dan seemed to be the one looking out for the other members of the group. I always did like him, and was sad that we didn't remain friends after we went out. Well, maybe we will now.
As for Ali, he texted me this morning. The first text was, of course, "Who are you?" He hadn't recorded my name with the number. Unfortunately, he did not remember kissing last night (he had to ask if we had). Fortunately, he did remember liking me, and has definitely followed through with making plans to meet up again. Let's hope I like him when he's sober! I did find out that he's 7 years younger than me, which was a bit of a surprise. I had assumed that he was the same age as Tyler and Dan. I suppose it's not that big a deal. I know I haven't had the best luck with guys in the 22-24 age range, but then again I haven't really had all that much luck with other ages either.
Here's to a fun night out, and a bit of an ego boost!
Midway through the performance, I spotted two familiar faces. One was a guy that I've been Facebook friends with for several years, ever since we met at a mutual friend's birthday party. The other was his friend, who I had met on Grindr last year and went on several dates with (it kind of fizzled out after he got sick and had to cancel on me several times, after which communication died down). I'll call them Tyler and Dan. They were there with a third friend, Ali. All three had been at Pride for most of the day and were already in various stages of intoxication. I'll admit, I had been wanting to hang out with Tyler and his friends for quite some time. Tyler and I live close to one another and I don't have many gay friends that live close by, but all previous attempts to arrange a hang out had fallen through. Now, happenstance had put us in the same place at the same time. The boys were headed to another room of the venue, and Tyler invited Roger and me to come along. Despite the fact that we had come to see the show, we decided to follow them.
Ali seemed to take an immediate liking to me. He complimented me repeatedly throughout the night, telling me I was "so handsome". He was very cute himself. And so, for the second Pride in a row, I ended up finding a boy to tag along with and (once I had ample booze in me) make out with.
Another familiar face popped up during the night. This one belonged to a rather buff guy that I have seen on the dating websites and through mutual friends on Facebook. My only other time seeing him in person was when he was flirting with Roger in a bar about a year ago. Well, turns out the guy is Ali's ex-boyfriend. They seemed to be on good terms though. Although the dynamic between the two of them led to one slightly awkward, slightly awesome moment. Ali's ex had introduced himself to me and was asking me about myself (where do you live, etc.) He then asked, in a rather flirtatious manner, "Where's your boyfriend?" When I responded I didn't have one, he said, "Why not?" Before he could inquire further, Ali appeared and pulled him away. I couldn't hear what he said, but my guess was it was along the lines of "Lay off, he's mine!" It felt good to have two cute guys compete over me, even if they were both drunk, haha.
Roger managed to not drink as much as me (probably because he didn't have someone giving him drinks like Ali was doing for me), so Roger ended up driving us home. Tyler hitched a ride with us, since he lives close by. Dan seemed to be the one looking out for the other members of the group. I always did like him, and was sad that we didn't remain friends after we went out. Well, maybe we will now.
As for Ali, he texted me this morning. The first text was, of course, "Who are you?" He hadn't recorded my name with the number. Unfortunately, he did not remember kissing last night (he had to ask if we had). Fortunately, he did remember liking me, and has definitely followed through with making plans to meet up again. Let's hope I like him when he's sober! I did find out that he's 7 years younger than me, which was a bit of a surprise. I had assumed that he was the same age as Tyler and Dan. I suppose it's not that big a deal. I know I haven't had the best luck with guys in the 22-24 age range, but then again I haven't really had all that much luck with other ages either.
Here's to a fun night out, and a bit of an ego boost!
Sunday, April 10, 2016
Difficult decisions ahead
Still chugging along.
I'm attempting to finally resolve the stubborn foot issues I've been dealing with for the last year and a half by going completely non-weight-bearing for a while. That means crutches. I've been on them for about a week now, and MAN is it tiring! My shoulder is killing me today. I think I might look into renting a knee scooter instead.
The guy I went out with last month that I wrote about in the previous entry is still in the picture. In fact, I could potentially see things going somewhere with this guy. He is very sweet and considerate, and has a good sense of humor. While we have limited common interests, he is very open minded and up for new experiences (within certain parameters), which is a big plus. I'll assign this guy a name. Let's call him Colin.
Thomas is still around as well, though. I had a second conversation with him, this one on the phone, about a week ago. Seeing how things are progressing with Colin, I felt it was important to touch base with Thomas to see where we stood. Last time I had a conversation with him, he had expressed interest in revisiting dating, but he had been two months into seeing another guy. Since then we had hung out on several occasions and had a couple of really awesome days together, but I had no idea whether he was still seeing the other guy.
While the phone conversation was pleasant, it pretty much was a replay of the first conversation. I did learn that he is no longer seeing the guy he'd been seeing before. However, now he's seeing a new guy, which doesn't bode well for us. He still didn't flat out reject me, but since he didn't tell me when things ended with the first guy and thereafter started dating someone else, I can pretty much tell where I stand in his priorities. It sucks because we get along so well and have so much in common, and he's so cute. Plus our common interests and similarities in personality mean we never have a shortage of things to do together. But in this case actions speak louder than words. I gave him a very clear chance to revisit things with me, and he has not acted on it. Instead, he seems to want to keep that door open as long as possible without actually doing anything to walk through it.
Which brings me to the question of what to do about him. I really hate to lose his friendship, but my feelings for him would certainly interfere with things developing with Colin or anybody else. Colin has some distinct advantages over him anyway. Unlike Thomas, Colin doesn't mind making drives to hang with me on the weekend. He also texts me often, showing his interest. Thomas texts me too (and seems to be doing so more as of late) but not as often.
I'm going to hold off on making any decisions about it until I see where things go with Colin these next couple weeks. Still, it's not something I'm looking forward to. Thomas is arguably my best friend in LA now. Part of me wants to say to him, "If you're afraid of risking our friendship by dating, don't you see that our friendship is in jeopardy by not dating as well? If I can't date you, I can't be friends with you, because I like you too damn much!" Ugh.
I'm attempting to finally resolve the stubborn foot issues I've been dealing with for the last year and a half by going completely non-weight-bearing for a while. That means crutches. I've been on them for about a week now, and MAN is it tiring! My shoulder is killing me today. I think I might look into renting a knee scooter instead.
The guy I went out with last month that I wrote about in the previous entry is still in the picture. In fact, I could potentially see things going somewhere with this guy. He is very sweet and considerate, and has a good sense of humor. While we have limited common interests, he is very open minded and up for new experiences (within certain parameters), which is a big plus. I'll assign this guy a name. Let's call him Colin.
Thomas is still around as well, though. I had a second conversation with him, this one on the phone, about a week ago. Seeing how things are progressing with Colin, I felt it was important to touch base with Thomas to see where we stood. Last time I had a conversation with him, he had expressed interest in revisiting dating, but he had been two months into seeing another guy. Since then we had hung out on several occasions and had a couple of really awesome days together, but I had no idea whether he was still seeing the other guy.
While the phone conversation was pleasant, it pretty much was a replay of the first conversation. I did learn that he is no longer seeing the guy he'd been seeing before. However, now he's seeing a new guy, which doesn't bode well for us. He still didn't flat out reject me, but since he didn't tell me when things ended with the first guy and thereafter started dating someone else, I can pretty much tell where I stand in his priorities. It sucks because we get along so well and have so much in common, and he's so cute. Plus our common interests and similarities in personality mean we never have a shortage of things to do together. But in this case actions speak louder than words. I gave him a very clear chance to revisit things with me, and he has not acted on it. Instead, he seems to want to keep that door open as long as possible without actually doing anything to walk through it.
Which brings me to the question of what to do about him. I really hate to lose his friendship, but my feelings for him would certainly interfere with things developing with Colin or anybody else. Colin has some distinct advantages over him anyway. Unlike Thomas, Colin doesn't mind making drives to hang with me on the weekend. He also texts me often, showing his interest. Thomas texts me too (and seems to be doing so more as of late) but not as often.
I'm going to hold off on making any decisions about it until I see where things go with Colin these next couple weeks. Still, it's not something I'm looking forward to. Thomas is arguably my best friend in LA now. Part of me wants to say to him, "If you're afraid of risking our friendship by dating, don't you see that our friendship is in jeopardy by not dating as well? If I can't date you, I can't be friends with you, because I like you too damn much!" Ugh.
Sunday, December 20, 2015
Lessons learned
I learned several important life lessons over the past couple weeks.
Lesson one: old friends aren’t always lost forever. Sometimes it just takes the right circumstance to reconnect.
This lesson was proven twice recently.
The first reconnection was brought on by, of all things, the death of Scott Weiland, former lead singer of Stone Temple Pilots and Velvet Revolver. Mutual love of STP’s music had led to the formation of one of my closest high school friendships years ago, but since college we had lost touch. Hearing the sad news about Weiland inspired me to look up my old friend on Facebook and reach out. He responded, and we caught up via Facebook Messenger. I discovered he was engaged, with his wedding imminent. I took the opportunity to come out to him, which actually took him by surprise, but he was very supportive. The last time I’d seen him was when I was 25, two years before I came out. We made tentative plans to meet up after his wedding, but then a week later he messaged me to say that there was enough space for me to come, if I was able. So, last night I saw my friend for the first time in 6 years, at his wedding. It was a very nice ceremony, and it was great seeing him again!
The second reconnection also occurred via Facebook. The friend in question was the former roommate of Ben, my ex-boyfriend. I’ve had minimal contact with this friend for the last 2.5 years, since it was just too hard to be in contact with him while the wounds from my breakup were still fresh. We happened to chat a bit on Facebook a few weeks ago, however, and I invited him to a show in LA in which I was performing. When opening night came along, there he was in the front row. He came along to the bar for drinks afterward, and I invited him to tag along to see a movie with me and my other friend last weekend. While I’ll admit seeing him again did dredge up a few painful feelings, it was mostly nice and by forming new memories with him I felt like I “reclaimed” him a bit from the past and from the strong association with Ben. It helps that they are no longer roommates, but I also think I really have grown and healed, which is wonderful to be able to say. Incidentally, I also share a love of STP’s music with this guy.
That’s it for the first lesson. On to lesson number two.
Lesson two: sometimes when you think there are only two possible outcomes from a situation, you’re wrong.
This lesson was taught through my interactions with Thomas last weekend.
As I’ve talked about in previous entries, I have developed pretty strong feelings for my friend Thomas. He’s the first guy since Ben that I’ve liked this much. We casually dated earlier this year when we first met, but he called things off because he thought I might be more “friend” material. I was quite disappointed at the time, and felt like circumstances (such as my unusually busy schedule at the time and the fact that one or both of us was sick most of the time we were seeing each other) had prevented us from taking things to the next level. After a bit of a hiatus, we reconnected and started hanging out again. Since then, I’ve shared a number of memorable experiences with him and have felt my feelings grow stronger. Once again, I found myself in a situation where a guy had friend zoned me when I felt we had a lot of potential. Since that is how my failed relationship with Ben had started, I at first thought the best course of action might be to just swallow my feelings and accept it. I figured if I persisted I would either get rejected again, or have another short-lived relationship that ended in heartbreak and the loss of another great friend.
But the longer I tried to just be friends with Thomas, the more conflicted I felt. Eventually it reached the point where I knew I would have to be honest with him, even if it meant risking our friendship.
I was in LA last weekend, so I figured that would be the best opportunity to come clean. I came to support him at a performance, then hung out with him for a while afterward. Near the end of our meal, I opened up to him. I explained that though I greatly enjoyed our friendship, I also still had feelings for him that I was trying to reconcile. Leading up to this, I was mostly sure that he would tell me he just wanted friendship, with a small chance that he would reciprocate my feelings and we would be able to resume dating. This was basically me going in with extremely low expectations, to protect myself in case of rejection.
To my surprise, neither of those outcomes came to pass. Instead, he revealed that he actually would be open to dating again . . . except for the fact that he was seeing someone already . . . someone who he had been dating for a couple months already.
Having gone into the conversation with such low expectations, I was surprised to learn that Thomas did actually seem to have some feelings for me. It was timing, rather than me, that was the issue. After we talked a bit about the reasons he ended things before, he said that if for some reason things didn’t work out with the guy he’s currently seeing, he’d be open to dating again. It's an unusual situation, and I know better than to bank on him becoming single again. But the conversation still made me feel better, like my feelings were based on an actual connection and not just wishful thinking on my part. And the experience taught me yet another valuable lesson:
Lesson three: it pays to take a risk and follow your instincts, even if taking risks and following your instincts hasn’t always paid off in the past.
If I had acted on my instincts a couple months ago instead of allowing myself to be guarded and accepting defeat, things might have been different. Moving forward, I will do my best to not allow my experiences with Ben in the past to cause me to overthink things and become paralyzed.
Meanwhile, I’ve gone out a few times with a very nice guy who lives in my town. It’s still early to tell how much potential there is there, and my lingering feelings for Thomas are still a lingering issue, but I plan to see where it goes for now and not get too up in my head about it.
Monday, October 12, 2015
Thank you for being a pal
Another wonderful weekend spending time with Thomas. Uh oh. This time I didn't quite make it out without feeling down about it.
I enjoy hanging out with him so much. This is seriously Version 2.0 of my first relationship, at least so far. In that I met someone online, dated him for a a while, starting falling for him, got friend zoned, and now have been trying to navigate being friends while my feelings grow even stronger.
I know it's not sustainable. I figure I need to act sooner rather than later. It's not fair to either of us. So I'll probably try to hang out with him a lot less next weekend, and instead get coffee or something and have a chat so that we are on the same page.
I definitely got mixed messages from him over the weekend. On the one hand, he invited me to accompany him to all sorts of get-togethers. And we had dinner last night, just the two of us, in a very date-like atmosphere. And he gave me a kiss on the cheek when we parted ways on Saturday night.
BUT . . .
He jokingly called me a "cock-blocker" when he had to turn down a guy's offer to go for a walk at the beach because he was waiting for me to show up. And probably most damning of all, when we parted ways Sunday night he thanked me for hanging out and for being "such a pal." Then later that night after I texted him that I'd made it home safely, he reiterated his thanks and used the word "pal" again. Doesn't get much clearer than that.
So pretty much I am squarely in the friend zone, which is to be expected since I was . . . well . . . explicitly friend zoned earlier this year.
I just don't get how someone who I get along with SO well, who I have SO much in common with, who I share so many interests with, who shares my sense of humor . . . can fail to reciprocate my feelings. All that is enough for me to feel something, why isn't it enough for him?
Well, I do get it. I'm pretty sure he doubts our sexual chemistry. Because we didn't bump uglies when we were dating before. Nevermind that one or both of us was sick for most of that time.
I don't want to lose his friendship. Having him in my life makes me a happier person (well, except for today, haha). Finding a kindred spirit really makes you feel less alone in the world, you know?
BUT . . .
I felt the same way about Ben. And I was persistent in my pursuit of him. I did successfully have my first and only relationship because of my stubborn rejection of being friend-zoned. But ultimately I lost him completely from my life.
So I guess I'm just worried that history will continue to repeat itself. I know that just because something starts the same doesn't mean it will end the same. I guess I just need to tell him how I feel and hope for the best. Best scenario: he reciprocates. Okay scenario: he doesn't feel the same, but it doesn't affect our friendship in a negative way. Bad scenario: he doesn't feel the same and our friendship sours.
Guess I just gotta act. Any suggestions on how to bring it up, how to word it?
I enjoy hanging out with him so much. This is seriously Version 2.0 of my first relationship, at least so far. In that I met someone online, dated him for a a while, starting falling for him, got friend zoned, and now have been trying to navigate being friends while my feelings grow even stronger.
I know it's not sustainable. I figure I need to act sooner rather than later. It's not fair to either of us. So I'll probably try to hang out with him a lot less next weekend, and instead get coffee or something and have a chat so that we are on the same page.
I definitely got mixed messages from him over the weekend. On the one hand, he invited me to accompany him to all sorts of get-togethers. And we had dinner last night, just the two of us, in a very date-like atmosphere. And he gave me a kiss on the cheek when we parted ways on Saturday night.
BUT . . .
He jokingly called me a "cock-blocker" when he had to turn down a guy's offer to go for a walk at the beach because he was waiting for me to show up. And probably most damning of all, when we parted ways Sunday night he thanked me for hanging out and for being "such a pal." Then later that night after I texted him that I'd made it home safely, he reiterated his thanks and used the word "pal" again. Doesn't get much clearer than that.
So pretty much I am squarely in the friend zone, which is to be expected since I was . . . well . . . explicitly friend zoned earlier this year.
I just don't get how someone who I get along with SO well, who I have SO much in common with, who I share so many interests with, who shares my sense of humor . . . can fail to reciprocate my feelings. All that is enough for me to feel something, why isn't it enough for him?
Well, I do get it. I'm pretty sure he doubts our sexual chemistry. Because we didn't bump uglies when we were dating before. Nevermind that one or both of us was sick for most of that time.
I don't want to lose his friendship. Having him in my life makes me a happier person (well, except for today, haha). Finding a kindred spirit really makes you feel less alone in the world, you know?
BUT . . .
I felt the same way about Ben. And I was persistent in my pursuit of him. I did successfully have my first and only relationship because of my stubborn rejection of being friend-zoned. But ultimately I lost him completely from my life.
So I guess I'm just worried that history will continue to repeat itself. I know that just because something starts the same doesn't mean it will end the same. I guess I just need to tell him how I feel and hope for the best. Best scenario: he reciprocates. Okay scenario: he doesn't feel the same, but it doesn't affect our friendship in a negative way. Bad scenario: he doesn't feel the same and our friendship sours.
Guess I just gotta act. Any suggestions on how to bring it up, how to word it?
Monday, October 5, 2015
A great weekend and a growing friendship
I'd say I'm recovered from the disappointment that had me down when I wrote the last entry. Maybe I'm getting quicker at bouncing back? Maybe so.
I had an amazing weekend. I spent it in and around Los Angeles, hanging out with friends. I had lunch with my good friend Sam, my old "breakup buddy" who helped me cope with my breakup when I met him back in 2013. I hadn't seen him in several months, so it was good catching up. He's in a relationship now, and I'm extremely happy for him.
Much of the rest of the weekend I spent with Thomas. It hadn't been my original intention to spend so much time with him, but after we hung out as planned he invited me to several more events so I tagged along. I had a blast spending time with him, and I felt like we became closer friends. What's more, the experience did not make me sad at all (as you may recall, Thomas is the one I dated this year that I liked the most . . . he's the first guy since Ben that I liked to such a high degree). While I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish things could go somewhere beyond friendship with him, I've realized that I really enjoy his friendship as well, and if that's all I'll get then that's still a really good thing. He really is a joy to be around, and we have a lot in common, from a love of improv to interest in movies to the tendency to break out into song at the slightest provocation. Heck, even if all my dating exploits never result in a lasting boyfriend, friends like Thomas will still make it all worth it. Still . . . part of me wishes . . .
Meanwhile I'm chatting with several guys on Tinder, so I'm sure it won't be long before I go on some more dates. I think I'm becoming more comfortable with the sheer amount of dead ends that dating involves. For every great friend like Sam or Thomas that results from online dating, there's like 20 guys that go nowhere, whether they are duds from the first date, start promisingly and then suddenly do a 180 (like the guy who cooked for me) or just disappear entirely (like the young guy). I think for a long time I had trouble reconciling the inevitable high failure rate of dating with the fact that I had my first relationship with the second guy I went out with. For a long time I felt like it was because there was something broken in me. But really it's because I know what I want. I want someone that makes me excited, like Ben did, like Thomas did (does). I don't think it's unreasonable to hold out for that.
Though the fear of ending up alone does rear its ugly head more often than I'd like.
I had an amazing weekend. I spent it in and around Los Angeles, hanging out with friends. I had lunch with my good friend Sam, my old "breakup buddy" who helped me cope with my breakup when I met him back in 2013. I hadn't seen him in several months, so it was good catching up. He's in a relationship now, and I'm extremely happy for him.
Much of the rest of the weekend I spent with Thomas. It hadn't been my original intention to spend so much time with him, but after we hung out as planned he invited me to several more events so I tagged along. I had a blast spending time with him, and I felt like we became closer friends. What's more, the experience did not make me sad at all (as you may recall, Thomas is the one I dated this year that I liked the most . . . he's the first guy since Ben that I liked to such a high degree). While I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish things could go somewhere beyond friendship with him, I've realized that I really enjoy his friendship as well, and if that's all I'll get then that's still a really good thing. He really is a joy to be around, and we have a lot in common, from a love of improv to interest in movies to the tendency to break out into song at the slightest provocation. Heck, even if all my dating exploits never result in a lasting boyfriend, friends like Thomas will still make it all worth it. Still . . . part of me wishes . . .
Meanwhile I'm chatting with several guys on Tinder, so I'm sure it won't be long before I go on some more dates. I think I'm becoming more comfortable with the sheer amount of dead ends that dating involves. For every great friend like Sam or Thomas that results from online dating, there's like 20 guys that go nowhere, whether they are duds from the first date, start promisingly and then suddenly do a 180 (like the guy who cooked for me) or just disappear entirely (like the young guy). I think for a long time I had trouble reconciling the inevitable high failure rate of dating with the fact that I had my first relationship with the second guy I went out with. For a long time I felt like it was because there was something broken in me. But really it's because I know what I want. I want someone that makes me excited, like Ben did, like Thomas did (does). I don't think it's unreasonable to hold out for that.
Though the fear of ending up alone does rear its ugly head more often than I'd like.
Thursday, September 10, 2015
Gaybor Day Weekend
I had a really awesome Labor Day Weekend.
A friend from the past drove up from San Diego to spend it with me . . . it was my friend Ron, who I first met back in 2013. I hadn't seen him since I was last in San Diego in July 2014.
Ron is one of my favorite guys that I have dated. It was mostly the combination of the distance between us and his busy schedule that put the kabosh on us dating before. I still think about him periodically. Well, this weekend he came up and we did an LA weekend together. It was awesome, but it also kind of cemented us as just-friends.
We spent a lot of time with my cousin Roger, who is very comfortable being out and about by now. In fact, he got quite a bit of action over the weekend. First, he spent the night in a hotel room with Ron's flamboyant friend. Then he had a random guy come up to him at a bar in West Hollywood, and before you knew it they were kissing. The guy was really cute too!
Ron and I went shopping for clothes, which was nice. I got some new shirts, some dark jeans, and some new shoes. I hate clothes shopping, especially alone, so it was really nice to have someone there to provide advice.
We went out to the bars in West Hollywood two nights in a row, and stayed out quite late both nights. One night several of my friends met up with us, including El Genio from the blogs. It was so nice seeing him again!
The highlight of the weekend, and also the most emotionally complex experience, was when Ron and I met up with Thomas. Thomas, as you may recall, is the latest guy I had strong feelings for who friend zoned me. The three of us had a board game night, which was insanely fun. It also was, I noticed at one point, me hanging out with the two guys who I was most interested in dating over the past several years.
They are such cool guys and good friends. I just wish I could date one of them. Ron is pretty much out of the question now, as I opened up to him on the drive home from LA about my lingering feelings for Thomas. That and he is about twice as far away as Thomas is.
Thomas frustrates me. We get along SO well, we have so many things in common, and he is so frickin' attractive to me! But he ended things, and the last time I continued to pursue a guy after I was friend zoned . . . well, I did have my first relationship. But ultimately I got my heart broken. I like Thomas so much that I don't want to risk losing him as a friend. At the same time, I like him so much more than ever single other guy I've dated in the past several years! I guess the most aggravating thing is that we went out for two months, and he seemed legitimately interested at the beginning. So, I feel like I had a chance and blew it, which can feel worse than having never had a chance at all.
I am determined to pursue the friendship, because I really do feel like it would be a shame to lose him as a friend. At the same time, I'm conflicted about whether I should ever admit my feelings or just try to grow out of them.
I think what I need to work on is upping my flirtation game when dating. I know sexual energy doesn't come naturally to me, but I'm gonna have to learn to at least fake it somewhat if I want to stop getting friend zoned left and right. The next time a Thomas comes around, I don't want to miss my chance.
A friend from the past drove up from San Diego to spend it with me . . . it was my friend Ron, who I first met back in 2013. I hadn't seen him since I was last in San Diego in July 2014.
Ron is one of my favorite guys that I have dated. It was mostly the combination of the distance between us and his busy schedule that put the kabosh on us dating before. I still think about him periodically. Well, this weekend he came up and we did an LA weekend together. It was awesome, but it also kind of cemented us as just-friends.
We spent a lot of time with my cousin Roger, who is very comfortable being out and about by now. In fact, he got quite a bit of action over the weekend. First, he spent the night in a hotel room with Ron's flamboyant friend. Then he had a random guy come up to him at a bar in West Hollywood, and before you knew it they were kissing. The guy was really cute too!
Ron and I went shopping for clothes, which was nice. I got some new shirts, some dark jeans, and some new shoes. I hate clothes shopping, especially alone, so it was really nice to have someone there to provide advice.
We went out to the bars in West Hollywood two nights in a row, and stayed out quite late both nights. One night several of my friends met up with us, including El Genio from the blogs. It was so nice seeing him again!
The highlight of the weekend, and also the most emotionally complex experience, was when Ron and I met up with Thomas. Thomas, as you may recall, is the latest guy I had strong feelings for who friend zoned me. The three of us had a board game night, which was insanely fun. It also was, I noticed at one point, me hanging out with the two guys who I was most interested in dating over the past several years.
They are such cool guys and good friends. I just wish I could date one of them. Ron is pretty much out of the question now, as I opened up to him on the drive home from LA about my lingering feelings for Thomas. That and he is about twice as far away as Thomas is.
Thomas frustrates me. We get along SO well, we have so many things in common, and he is so frickin' attractive to me! But he ended things, and the last time I continued to pursue a guy after I was friend zoned . . . well, I did have my first relationship. But ultimately I got my heart broken. I like Thomas so much that I don't want to risk losing him as a friend. At the same time, I like him so much more than ever single other guy I've dated in the past several years! I guess the most aggravating thing is that we went out for two months, and he seemed legitimately interested at the beginning. So, I feel like I had a chance and blew it, which can feel worse than having never had a chance at all.
I am determined to pursue the friendship, because I really do feel like it would be a shame to lose him as a friend. At the same time, I'm conflicted about whether I should ever admit my feelings or just try to grow out of them.
I think what I need to work on is upping my flirtation game when dating. I know sexual energy doesn't come naturally to me, but I'm gonna have to learn to at least fake it somewhat if I want to stop getting friend zoned left and right. The next time a Thomas comes around, I don't want to miss my chance.
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
So far so good
Hello all,
A quick update before the holidays. I will be taking the whole week off of work to drive up to Northern California to visit family, as well as YouTube Guy and his boyfriend.
Things are still progressing with Dean. It's been about a month and a half since we first met. I've accompanied him to a couple parties and have met several of his friends and coworkers. They all seem to like me. He has also come and hung out with me and my troupe friends a couple of times. One friend was slightly bummed that I brought him to a sketch show she performed in . . . she wanted to set me up with her friend in the group. I can't help but wonder whether that was a case of "Oh, I know a guy who'd be perfect for you!" "Oh really, how come?" "Well, he's gay, you're gay . . ."
Dean is a really great guy. Really friendly, fun, outgoing, and considerate. Part of me is just waiting for him to end things, haha. I'm doing all I can to get rid of my cynicism and allow for the possibility that maybe, just maybe this one might actually like me.
I still suffer from obsessive rumination about my past relationship, especially as Thanksgiving approaches and I am reminded of the time that my ex accompanied me across the country to my parents' house. I bounce between trying to cast my thoughts in a healthier light and just trying to suppress them entirely. I worry that I will never again be so enthusiastic about a new relationship, but I also wonder whether that isn't actually a good thing. Sure, I'm not head over heels for this new guy, but that would allow me to enter into a relationship with both eyes open. Any feelings would develop slowly out of getting to know one another and sharing experiences, and wouldn't be based on some stupid infatuation. I don't know. Just going with the flow.
The big upcoming event at Thanksgiving? My cousin Roger is going to come out to his conservative parents. And I'll be there. Should be interesting.
A quick update before the holidays. I will be taking the whole week off of work to drive up to Northern California to visit family, as well as YouTube Guy and his boyfriend.
Things are still progressing with Dean. It's been about a month and a half since we first met. I've accompanied him to a couple parties and have met several of his friends and coworkers. They all seem to like me. He has also come and hung out with me and my troupe friends a couple of times. One friend was slightly bummed that I brought him to a sketch show she performed in . . . she wanted to set me up with her friend in the group. I can't help but wonder whether that was a case of "Oh, I know a guy who'd be perfect for you!" "Oh really, how come?" "Well, he's gay, you're gay . . ."
Dean is a really great guy. Really friendly, fun, outgoing, and considerate. Part of me is just waiting for him to end things, haha. I'm doing all I can to get rid of my cynicism and allow for the possibility that maybe, just maybe this one might actually like me.
I still suffer from obsessive rumination about my past relationship, especially as Thanksgiving approaches and I am reminded of the time that my ex accompanied me across the country to my parents' house. I bounce between trying to cast my thoughts in a healthier light and just trying to suppress them entirely. I worry that I will never again be so enthusiastic about a new relationship, but I also wonder whether that isn't actually a good thing. Sure, I'm not head over heels for this new guy, but that would allow me to enter into a relationship with both eyes open. Any feelings would develop slowly out of getting to know one another and sharing experiences, and wouldn't be based on some stupid infatuation. I don't know. Just going with the flow.
The big upcoming event at Thanksgiving? My cousin Roger is going to come out to his conservative parents. And I'll be there. Should be interesting.
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
Gaybor Day Weekend . . . or Labor Gay Weekend?
I had a very nice Labor Day weekend. Well, except for a sore throat that I had throughout. I actually took the day off work today to try to rest up and finally kick it. Feeling better now.
I finally got to meet Texas Guy this weekend. As a recap, Texas Guy is someone that I first chatted with on Grindr way back in March when he was visiting California. We really clicked but weren't able to meet up before he had to go back to Texas. Since then we have been texting pen pals and have talked on the phone a couple of times. This weekend marked his first trip to So Cal since then. He and his aunt came to see me perform in a show, then he and I went up to LA and went out in WeHo with my LA gay crew. He's a really cool guy, and a great conversationalist. We went to The Abbey, but didn't make it out there until nearly 1 AM. So, we really didn't have much time to drink or anything before it was last call. My cousin Roger went, as did Chris and Timothy, who have been the cutest gay couple that I have known. I also ended up meeting up with a guy from Tinder that I've been talking to, since he happened to be at the Abbey as well. He was there with his friend who was visiting from the Bay Area. She was rather drunk, haha. The two of them joined our group, and I just kind of pretended that this was a friend of mine I already knew. I don't think anyone caught on that I actually had never met him before! He seemed really sweet. I look forward to hanging out with him again, and he seemed very keen on it too. He doesn't live very close to me, but he is willing to meet halfway.
I invited Tinder guy and his friend to come hang out with us at my cousin's place, but they didn't have a car and the girl was a little too drunk and hungry. So Texas Guy, Chris, and Timothy came back and hung out with us for a while. Texas Guy spent the night. Sunday morning he and I had brunch with a friend of mine, the Handsome Guy that I went out with a couple times a few months ago. He was up in WeHo with his current boyfriend and his friend who was visiting from the East Coast. After interacting with him in that situation, I realized more how much the two of us really aren't a match.
After brunch, Texas Guy and I checked out the Santa Monica pier, then I dropped him off with his family. I spent the rest of the day relaxing, and also set up tentative plans to meet up with a guy in LA the next day. Let's call him Blue Eyes.
So Monday I met up with Blue Eyes and went hiking in Runyon Canyon. I've been corresponding with Blue Eyes for a while now, and have been a bit on the fence about him. He is clearly a lot more sexual than I am. Even before we met for the first time he offered to share with me a JO video of his. Not my cup of tea. In person he seemed sweet though. Not much of a prospect since he lives in LA and doesn't have a car. But the hike was fun, and afterward we went back to his place, watched Netflix and did a lot of cuddling, massaging, and other play. We didn't make out since I had a sore throat. He also demonstrated his rather dominant nature. I just kind of let him do whatever. It was fun, I'm glad I had the experience. And we stopped short of doing anything with pants off, haha.
The weekend wasn't all positive. After hanging out with Chris and Timothy Saturday night and not detecting anything amiss, I never would have suspected that it would be the last time I'd see them as a couple. Chris was planning a get together for Labor Day, so after I left Blue Eyes' place I gave him a call to check in. He didn't answer, so I called Timothy. He said he wasn't at Chris's place, nor would he be going. There was something odd about his tone of voice. I didn't think much of it, thinking he must just be busy. However, he called me back a few minutes later to explain that Chris had actually broken up with him the night before. Now, the possibility of this happening had definitely crossed my mind previously. Chris is 25 and Timothy just barely turned 21. Though the age difference isn't huge, they are definitely at different places in their development. Still, they were always so cute together and I adore them both. It really made me sad that it had come to this. Timothy told me that he was still confused about what was going on, and asked me to take care of Chris. My heart went out to him . . . I knew what it was like to be dumped by someone I cared strongly for.
I went to meet up with Chris as his Labor Day get together was ending. The two of us grabbed dinner and he explained to me his side of the story. I consoled him as best as I could, and assured him that if he needed to talk I'd be there for him. They'd been together for quite a while (about two years I believe), so I knew this wouldn't be easy for either of them.
All in all a busy and fun weekend, despite my sore throat and the unexpected break up of two of my good LA friends. I will probably see Texas Guy again once more before he goes home. I hope to see Tinder Guy again soon.
Meeting so many nice guys, despite various barriers to actual relationships (distance being the most common one), has definitely been therapeutic for me. I feel generally happy these days, and I feel more optimistic that I will find someone else some day.
I finally got to meet Texas Guy this weekend. As a recap, Texas Guy is someone that I first chatted with on Grindr way back in March when he was visiting California. We really clicked but weren't able to meet up before he had to go back to Texas. Since then we have been texting pen pals and have talked on the phone a couple of times. This weekend marked his first trip to So Cal since then. He and his aunt came to see me perform in a show, then he and I went up to LA and went out in WeHo with my LA gay crew. He's a really cool guy, and a great conversationalist. We went to The Abbey, but didn't make it out there until nearly 1 AM. So, we really didn't have much time to drink or anything before it was last call. My cousin Roger went, as did Chris and Timothy, who have been the cutest gay couple that I have known. I also ended up meeting up with a guy from Tinder that I've been talking to, since he happened to be at the Abbey as well. He was there with his friend who was visiting from the Bay Area. She was rather drunk, haha. The two of them joined our group, and I just kind of pretended that this was a friend of mine I already knew. I don't think anyone caught on that I actually had never met him before! He seemed really sweet. I look forward to hanging out with him again, and he seemed very keen on it too. He doesn't live very close to me, but he is willing to meet halfway.
I invited Tinder guy and his friend to come hang out with us at my cousin's place, but they didn't have a car and the girl was a little too drunk and hungry. So Texas Guy, Chris, and Timothy came back and hung out with us for a while. Texas Guy spent the night. Sunday morning he and I had brunch with a friend of mine, the Handsome Guy that I went out with a couple times a few months ago. He was up in WeHo with his current boyfriend and his friend who was visiting from the East Coast. After interacting with him in that situation, I realized more how much the two of us really aren't a match.
After brunch, Texas Guy and I checked out the Santa Monica pier, then I dropped him off with his family. I spent the rest of the day relaxing, and also set up tentative plans to meet up with a guy in LA the next day. Let's call him Blue Eyes.
So Monday I met up with Blue Eyes and went hiking in Runyon Canyon. I've been corresponding with Blue Eyes for a while now, and have been a bit on the fence about him. He is clearly a lot more sexual than I am. Even before we met for the first time he offered to share with me a JO video of his. Not my cup of tea. In person he seemed sweet though. Not much of a prospect since he lives in LA and doesn't have a car. But the hike was fun, and afterward we went back to his place, watched Netflix and did a lot of cuddling, massaging, and other play. We didn't make out since I had a sore throat. He also demonstrated his rather dominant nature. I just kind of let him do whatever. It was fun, I'm glad I had the experience. And we stopped short of doing anything with pants off, haha.
The weekend wasn't all positive. After hanging out with Chris and Timothy Saturday night and not detecting anything amiss, I never would have suspected that it would be the last time I'd see them as a couple. Chris was planning a get together for Labor Day, so after I left Blue Eyes' place I gave him a call to check in. He didn't answer, so I called Timothy. He said he wasn't at Chris's place, nor would he be going. There was something odd about his tone of voice. I didn't think much of it, thinking he must just be busy. However, he called me back a few minutes later to explain that Chris had actually broken up with him the night before. Now, the possibility of this happening had definitely crossed my mind previously. Chris is 25 and Timothy just barely turned 21. Though the age difference isn't huge, they are definitely at different places in their development. Still, they were always so cute together and I adore them both. It really made me sad that it had come to this. Timothy told me that he was still confused about what was going on, and asked me to take care of Chris. My heart went out to him . . . I knew what it was like to be dumped by someone I cared strongly for.
I went to meet up with Chris as his Labor Day get together was ending. The two of us grabbed dinner and he explained to me his side of the story. I consoled him as best as I could, and assured him that if he needed to talk I'd be there for him. They'd been together for quite a while (about two years I believe), so I knew this wouldn't be easy for either of them.
All in all a busy and fun weekend, despite my sore throat and the unexpected break up of two of my good LA friends. I will probably see Texas Guy again once more before he goes home. I hope to see Tinder Guy again soon.
Meeting so many nice guys, despite various barriers to actual relationships (distance being the most common one), has definitely been therapeutic for me. I feel generally happy these days, and I feel more optimistic that I will find someone else some day.
Thursday, August 28, 2014
Mountain Getaway and Recent Dating
Hello all!
I got my new car! It was a quick, painless process. Got a Mazda3 hatchback, and I even got it in the color I wanted ("crystal blue mica"). Quite different from a truck, but I'm really liking it. I took it up to the mountains a few weekends ago for a big get-together I planned.
THAT was a relaxing weekend. YouTube Guy and his boyfriend came down from the bay area, my cousin Brad came down from Nor Cal, and other friends such as Janice, Walter, and Nina came as well. We rented a cabin, drank, played games, went hiking, lounged around and had an AMAZING dinner. Literally one of the best meals I have ever had. It was the combination of the mountain setting, the great food (YouTube Guy's boyfriend went to culinary school), and of course, being surrounded by awesome friends. I felt a level of happiness that I hadn't felt in a long, long time.
The feeling of well-being lasted for a good week and a half. Yesterday and today I'm struggling a little bit against the blues again, but it's not too bad. I'm feeling more at peace with my professional situation. I've got a good, stable job and have an amazing hobby that I'm passionate about.
I met up with a couple cute, nice guys in the past week. One I've been out with twice so far. The first date was nice, we had dinner and walked around a shopping center. He texted me afterward expressing interest in hanging out again. This past Tuesday I took him to a local beach-side town for the second date. We ate at a really cool fish restaurant, then we walked around. I took him out to a ledge overlooking the crashing waves. It was really serene and beautiful . . . the setting was perfect so I decided to go for a kiss. First to test the waters a bit I put my arm around him, then when he leaned his head against my shoulder I went for it. We kissed for a while, and it was very nice. Afterward I went back to his place. I did not have the intention of going any farther than the making out for this date . . . but one thing led to another and we got frisky in the bedroom.
It was a great night, but I was worried we had moved too fast. I always do prefer letting feelings develop a bit before going that far, but at the same time it seems guys tend to expect things to happen within the first couple dates. I don't want to wind up in a "boat without a rudder" situation with someone else if I'm moving too slowly. Or as Steve had put it, a "weird friendship."
Then to complicate things more, I had a very emotional dream about my ex Ben the night after the date. It involved reconciliation and it stirred rather strong memories and feelings the next morning. That was yesterday, hence why my feeling of well-being has taken a bit of a hit the past few days.
I should recover soon, though. I attended a monthly LGBT social group dinner yesterday, and Jake the Australian was in attendance. Though I still don't see him that often we've grown pretty close, and he's a good source of support. He is taking a hiatus from dating. Seems we're both having a bit of a hard time with it.
My main problem: I'm having trouble developing feelings for guys. With Ben it happened so fast and naturally, but it seems so HARD now. Several guys I've had to disappoint because they were into me and I just didn't feel the same way. It's hard to decide whether it's just the luck of the draw, that I'm just not meeting good matches . . . or whether there's something still broken in me from my past experience. If it's the latter, I just don't know how to fix it. I still think about the past way too much. I still over-idealize HIM way too much. I still get anxious thinking about the prospect of winding up alone because I invested in an unhealthy person and it screwed me up emotionally. I still see all my heterosexual friends pairing up with great people and feel envious.
I try to be patient with myself though. Focus on self-improvement rather than finding someone. It really is the only way.
I got my new car! It was a quick, painless process. Got a Mazda3 hatchback, and I even got it in the color I wanted ("crystal blue mica"). Quite different from a truck, but I'm really liking it. I took it up to the mountains a few weekends ago for a big get-together I planned.
THAT was a relaxing weekend. YouTube Guy and his boyfriend came down from the bay area, my cousin Brad came down from Nor Cal, and other friends such as Janice, Walter, and Nina came as well. We rented a cabin, drank, played games, went hiking, lounged around and had an AMAZING dinner. Literally one of the best meals I have ever had. It was the combination of the mountain setting, the great food (YouTube Guy's boyfriend went to culinary school), and of course, being surrounded by awesome friends. I felt a level of happiness that I hadn't felt in a long, long time.
The feeling of well-being lasted for a good week and a half. Yesterday and today I'm struggling a little bit against the blues again, but it's not too bad. I'm feeling more at peace with my professional situation. I've got a good, stable job and have an amazing hobby that I'm passionate about.
I met up with a couple cute, nice guys in the past week. One I've been out with twice so far. The first date was nice, we had dinner and walked around a shopping center. He texted me afterward expressing interest in hanging out again. This past Tuesday I took him to a local beach-side town for the second date. We ate at a really cool fish restaurant, then we walked around. I took him out to a ledge overlooking the crashing waves. It was really serene and beautiful . . . the setting was perfect so I decided to go for a kiss. First to test the waters a bit I put my arm around him, then when he leaned his head against my shoulder I went for it. We kissed for a while, and it was very nice. Afterward I went back to his place. I did not have the intention of going any farther than the making out for this date . . . but one thing led to another and we got frisky in the bedroom.
It was a great night, but I was worried we had moved too fast. I always do prefer letting feelings develop a bit before going that far, but at the same time it seems guys tend to expect things to happen within the first couple dates. I don't want to wind up in a "boat without a rudder" situation with someone else if I'm moving too slowly. Or as Steve had put it, a "weird friendship."
Then to complicate things more, I had a very emotional dream about my ex Ben the night after the date. It involved reconciliation and it stirred rather strong memories and feelings the next morning. That was yesterday, hence why my feeling of well-being has taken a bit of a hit the past few days.
I should recover soon, though. I attended a monthly LGBT social group dinner yesterday, and Jake the Australian was in attendance. Though I still don't see him that often we've grown pretty close, and he's a good source of support. He is taking a hiatus from dating. Seems we're both having a bit of a hard time with it.
My main problem: I'm having trouble developing feelings for guys. With Ben it happened so fast and naturally, but it seems so HARD now. Several guys I've had to disappoint because they were into me and I just didn't feel the same way. It's hard to decide whether it's just the luck of the draw, that I'm just not meeting good matches . . . or whether there's something still broken in me from my past experience. If it's the latter, I just don't know how to fix it. I still think about the past way too much. I still over-idealize HIM way too much. I still get anxious thinking about the prospect of winding up alone because I invested in an unhealthy person and it screwed me up emotionally. I still see all my heterosexual friends pairing up with great people and feel envious.
I try to be patient with myself though. Focus on self-improvement rather than finding someone. It really is the only way.
Monday, June 23, 2014
June Adventures
I'm still seeing the handsome guy . . . or at least I think I am? We've seen each other a total of four times. And I haven't seen him in the last two weeks. Now, that included my trip to the San Francisco area, but still . . . he used to check in at least once every other day or so via text now he doesn't so much. He is in the middle of a big move and has been working long hours so that might explain part of it. At the same time, if he was really that into me you'd think he would be making more of an effort.
So I've continued meeting up with other guys. I met up with this really cute Brazilian guy over the weekend. He is young, an exchange undergraduate student, but I had a good time with him. Then I met up with a guy from Grindr on Sunday. He seemed like a really nice guy, but I just didn't feel much attraction for him. He liked me though, so I had to respond to his "let's hang out again" text today with the never pleasant let-him-down-gently text.
My San Francisco trip was fun. I spent time with my two friends who live there (YouTube Guy, aka Steven, and his boyfriend Jack), saw a friend from college and his wife, and then on my last day I met up with a guy that I had chatted with on Grindr when he was visiting California several months ago. He was really cool and I had a great time with him (figures). We were amazingly similar in our interests and also had some parallels in our career paths. I definitely plan to stay in touch with him, and if life ever brings me to the bay I definitely know who I'm looking up!
Between my new SF friend and Texas guy, it certainly seems that the guys I click with best tend to be from elsewhere. Sigh. I'll keep chugging.
While in SF, Jack acted as my gay mentor as he often does. He took me clothes shopping to get some more form-fitting clothes of brighter colors than make up my usual palette. Nina and her boyfriend arrived while I was in the dressing room so all three of them plus the gap girl had their say. According to the gap girl, I need to do more squats.
One thing that Jack likes to dish out is dating advice, but I take a lot of it with a grain of salt. I have always used the "be yourself" approach, but he is a proponent of various dating rules such as keeping your emotions close to your chest early on, leave them wanting more, etc. I guess there's something to be said for that, but at the same time I feel like those who play games are more likely to attract other game players.
In other news, improv is going awesomely and is still the highlight of my week. I had multiple shows over the weekend and they all went very well. One particular game I played ended up being the troupe leader's favorite of the night, so he put it up on our troupe YouTube channel.
I am finally applying for a new job title at work, something that I should have done a long, long time ago. It was so hard to focus on that when I was so concerned with coming out, dating, having my first relationship, losing my relationship, struggling with depression, healing, etc. etc. But the time has come. As has the time to finally get serious about the next step. It's been hard to overcome the inertia I've built up, but it's going to have to be done.
So I've continued meeting up with other guys. I met up with this really cute Brazilian guy over the weekend. He is young, an exchange undergraduate student, but I had a good time with him. Then I met up with a guy from Grindr on Sunday. He seemed like a really nice guy, but I just didn't feel much attraction for him. He liked me though, so I had to respond to his "let's hang out again" text today with the never pleasant let-him-down-gently text.
My San Francisco trip was fun. I spent time with my two friends who live there (YouTube Guy, aka Steven, and his boyfriend Jack), saw a friend from college and his wife, and then on my last day I met up with a guy that I had chatted with on Grindr when he was visiting California several months ago. He was really cool and I had a great time with him (figures). We were amazingly similar in our interests and also had some parallels in our career paths. I definitely plan to stay in touch with him, and if life ever brings me to the bay I definitely know who I'm looking up!
Between my new SF friend and Texas guy, it certainly seems that the guys I click with best tend to be from elsewhere. Sigh. I'll keep chugging.
While in SF, Jack acted as my gay mentor as he often does. He took me clothes shopping to get some more form-fitting clothes of brighter colors than make up my usual palette. Nina and her boyfriend arrived while I was in the dressing room so all three of them plus the gap girl had their say. According to the gap girl, I need to do more squats.
One thing that Jack likes to dish out is dating advice, but I take a lot of it with a grain of salt. I have always used the "be yourself" approach, but he is a proponent of various dating rules such as keeping your emotions close to your chest early on, leave them wanting more, etc. I guess there's something to be said for that, but at the same time I feel like those who play games are more likely to attract other game players.
In other news, improv is going awesomely and is still the highlight of my week. I had multiple shows over the weekend and they all went very well. One particular game I played ended up being the troupe leader's favorite of the night, so he put it up on our troupe YouTube channel.
I am finally applying for a new job title at work, something that I should have done a long, long time ago. It was so hard to focus on that when I was so concerned with coming out, dating, having my first relationship, losing my relationship, struggling with depression, healing, etc. etc. But the time has come. As has the time to finally get serious about the next step. It's been hard to overcome the inertia I've built up, but it's going to have to be done.
Sunday, June 1, 2014
Entering Summer
Hello everyone!
A little update. Things have been busy so I haven't been blogging much.
I haven't seen Steve since I ended our dating relationship, but we're still planning to hang out at some point. I do like the guy and do feel bummed that it didn't work out.
However, I have started seeing a guy with a much higher attraction factor for me, which definitely clues me in on what was lacking with Steve. This guy is one of the most handsome guys I've dated. Our first date went quite well, with us kissing and cuddling by the end of it. The second date ended with bedroom fun, which is something I haven't done it quite a while. I ran into the old problem of not being able to finish, which I think is probably anxiety-related. This guy isn't quite as communicative as Steve was (doesn't text very often) so I'm playing it cool. He had a hurtful breakup in January, which adds to my caution. I definitely wasn't ready for a relationship five months after my breakup. So I'm waiting to see whether this guy actually has interest in me or whether he's just looking for fun to heal his heart. Another thing . . . I found out he is actually the ex of one of the first guys I went out with, 2 years ago. I remember that guy telling me the story of his heartbreak. Not sure I should be getting involved with someone who has broken the heart of someone else, but then again heartbreak happens all the time.
I am also still in touch with the Texas guy! That long distance friendship has definitely turned out to have legs! Now I'd just like to meet him in person. We're both going to be in San Francisco this month, but on different weekends.
A brief aside to play the broken record: still thinking about Ben too much. Dreamed about him the other night and woke up in a bad mood. I don't know what I can do to continue to get over him, it's been so long now! I KNOW I over-idealize him. But it's so hard to logic away the feelings. I don't feel like I'm healing any more and I just want my heart to catch up to my brain and realize that that emotionally fickle, dishonest, impulsive fool was not the great match for me I thought he was.
In non love-related news, I have now performed in more than 20 improv shows. Becoming a performer has really changed my life. It has given me the creative outlet I craved for a long time and has given me something new to put my energy toward. Hurray for that!
A little update. Things have been busy so I haven't been blogging much.
I haven't seen Steve since I ended our dating relationship, but we're still planning to hang out at some point. I do like the guy and do feel bummed that it didn't work out.
However, I have started seeing a guy with a much higher attraction factor for me, which definitely clues me in on what was lacking with Steve. This guy is one of the most handsome guys I've dated. Our first date went quite well, with us kissing and cuddling by the end of it. The second date ended with bedroom fun, which is something I haven't done it quite a while. I ran into the old problem of not being able to finish, which I think is probably anxiety-related. This guy isn't quite as communicative as Steve was (doesn't text very often) so I'm playing it cool. He had a hurtful breakup in January, which adds to my caution. I definitely wasn't ready for a relationship five months after my breakup. So I'm waiting to see whether this guy actually has interest in me or whether he's just looking for fun to heal his heart. Another thing . . . I found out he is actually the ex of one of the first guys I went out with, 2 years ago. I remember that guy telling me the story of his heartbreak. Not sure I should be getting involved with someone who has broken the heart of someone else, but then again heartbreak happens all the time.
I am also still in touch with the Texas guy! That long distance friendship has definitely turned out to have legs! Now I'd just like to meet him in person. We're both going to be in San Francisco this month, but on different weekends.
A brief aside to play the broken record: still thinking about Ben too much. Dreamed about him the other night and woke up in a bad mood. I don't know what I can do to continue to get over him, it's been so long now! I KNOW I over-idealize him. But it's so hard to logic away the feelings. I don't feel like I'm healing any more and I just want my heart to catch up to my brain and realize that that emotionally fickle, dishonest, impulsive fool was not the great match for me I thought he was.
In non love-related news, I have now performed in more than 20 improv shows. Becoming a performer has really changed my life. It has given me the creative outlet I craved for a long time and has given me something new to put my energy toward. Hurray for that!
Saturday, April 26, 2014
A coming out long in the making
So what's new in the Wonderful World of Cal?
I'm still seeing Steve. He's a really cool guy. Super sweet, really nice. Not quite feeling "sparks" but I'm giving it a little time to get to know him. We're going to see a play tomorrow, so that should be fun. Ron, the last guy I sorta-dated, is the violinist. I've informed them both though, so I don't think it will be awkward. It will be good to see Ron again, and to get a chance to get to know Steve a little bit better. We've only had weeknight dates up to this point since we've both been so busy (he went to Spain for a week, then I spent two consecutive weekends in LA).
Speaking of my trips to LA, they were a lot of fun (well, other than the fender bender I was involved in on the way back from the first one . . . LA traffic UGH). I made some new gay friends, including a really cute couple. One is 25 and the other is 20, and they are both super nice. I've gotten to know the 25-year-old a bit better, as has my friend Sam. They are both gay Christians and go to grad school at the same school, so they have a lot to talk about. Another new friend I made actually came to see me perform in my shows the other night, which was really cool of him! We hung out a bit afterward.
Other big news: my cousin, Roger came out to me at long last. His sexuality has been an open secret for quite some time. In fact, when I came out to him more than two years ago, I was half expecting him to reciprocate. When he didn't, I second guessed myself a bit. I resolved to wait until he felt comfortable, rather than push him.
Fast forward some time and it became pretty blatantly obvious that he is gay, but he still hadn't told me. He demonstrated a familiarity with West Hollywood that put mine to shame, had an Instragram account full of beefcake selfies (he is quite ripped), disappeared some nights we hung out with suspiciously weak stories about where he'd been . . . Basically his other two brothers and I had made up our minds about him and were just waiting for him to come out. Except he didn't.
The final straw happened last weekend in two parts. First, my new friend the 25 year old let slip that Roger had come out to him, but had said "Don't tell Cal." (WTF??) Second, I found what was obviously Roger's Grindr account. That night I finally had a talk with Roger, and expressed how I was feeling rather shafted by his secrecy. I told him I had opened out to him two years prior despite some hesitation about how he would take it, but felt I needed to do it because I had suspected he might be dealing with similar issues. I told him how I felt like he didn't trust me, and I wanted to assure him that he could trust me.
I never wanted to push him like this, but he has a bit of a naive streak and I have been worried as of late that he might be taken advantage of or get in a bad situation. My trust of him and comfort around him was also starting to be affected, since it was so apparent that he was keeping things from me when I was always so honest with him. I didn't want our relationship to begin to erode.
Bottom line, the conversation went very well. He opened up to me about exactly how long he had been keeping it a secret (he's one of those who has pretty much always known). I told him how despite his attempts, it wasn't much of a secret. He was actually quite surprised to know this . . . he had thought he had been doing a good job. He gave me permission to tell his brothers about our conversation, so I said I would (and I did the next day . . . turns out the older one Gavin already knew, because Roger had fessed up to Gavin's fiancee when she asked). His parents, however, are off limits. I wouldn't want to tell them anyway (even though Roger is the one who outed me to them . . . what can I say, I'm not one to retaliate haha).
I do feel like he will be better off after he tells his parents, but that is something he has to do in his own time. But now that his two brothers and I have been brought into the "circle of trust," I told him we will have his back whenever he chooses to do it.
Already in the last week he seems a lot more at ease and has been sharing more with me than ever about himself and his burgeoning dating life. Hurray!
I'm still seeing Steve. He's a really cool guy. Super sweet, really nice. Not quite feeling "sparks" but I'm giving it a little time to get to know him. We're going to see a play tomorrow, so that should be fun. Ron, the last guy I sorta-dated, is the violinist. I've informed them both though, so I don't think it will be awkward. It will be good to see Ron again, and to get a chance to get to know Steve a little bit better. We've only had weeknight dates up to this point since we've both been so busy (he went to Spain for a week, then I spent two consecutive weekends in LA).
Speaking of my trips to LA, they were a lot of fun (well, other than the fender bender I was involved in on the way back from the first one . . . LA traffic UGH). I made some new gay friends, including a really cute couple. One is 25 and the other is 20, and they are both super nice. I've gotten to know the 25-year-old a bit better, as has my friend Sam. They are both gay Christians and go to grad school at the same school, so they have a lot to talk about. Another new friend I made actually came to see me perform in my shows the other night, which was really cool of him! We hung out a bit afterward.
Other big news: my cousin, Roger came out to me at long last. His sexuality has been an open secret for quite some time. In fact, when I came out to him more than two years ago, I was half expecting him to reciprocate. When he didn't, I second guessed myself a bit. I resolved to wait until he felt comfortable, rather than push him.
Fast forward some time and it became pretty blatantly obvious that he is gay, but he still hadn't told me. He demonstrated a familiarity with West Hollywood that put mine to shame, had an Instragram account full of beefcake selfies (he is quite ripped), disappeared some nights we hung out with suspiciously weak stories about where he'd been . . . Basically his other two brothers and I had made up our minds about him and were just waiting for him to come out. Except he didn't.
The final straw happened last weekend in two parts. First, my new friend the 25 year old let slip that Roger had come out to him, but had said "Don't tell Cal." (WTF??) Second, I found what was obviously Roger's Grindr account. That night I finally had a talk with Roger, and expressed how I was feeling rather shafted by his secrecy. I told him I had opened out to him two years prior despite some hesitation about how he would take it, but felt I needed to do it because I had suspected he might be dealing with similar issues. I told him how I felt like he didn't trust me, and I wanted to assure him that he could trust me.
I never wanted to push him like this, but he has a bit of a naive streak and I have been worried as of late that he might be taken advantage of or get in a bad situation. My trust of him and comfort around him was also starting to be affected, since it was so apparent that he was keeping things from me when I was always so honest with him. I didn't want our relationship to begin to erode.
Bottom line, the conversation went very well. He opened up to me about exactly how long he had been keeping it a secret (he's one of those who has pretty much always known). I told him how despite his attempts, it wasn't much of a secret. He was actually quite surprised to know this . . . he had thought he had been doing a good job. He gave me permission to tell his brothers about our conversation, so I said I would (and I did the next day . . . turns out the older one Gavin already knew, because Roger had fessed up to Gavin's fiancee when she asked). His parents, however, are off limits. I wouldn't want to tell them anyway (even though Roger is the one who outed me to them . . . what can I say, I'm not one to retaliate haha).
I do feel like he will be better off after he tells his parents, but that is something he has to do in his own time. But now that his two brothers and I have been brought into the "circle of trust," I told him we will have his back whenever he chooses to do it.
Already in the last week he seems a lot more at ease and has been sharing more with me than ever about himself and his burgeoning dating life. Hurray!
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Dates with Steve, and Vegas
Phew, I'm exhausted. I signed up for a two month long online fitness class and just tried one of the workouts. It was a lot more volume than I'm used to, and I've been out of the gym for several weeks due to being sick (again, argh).
Aaaanyways . . .
I've gone out with Jake's friend several times now. So I guess he deserves his own pseudonym . . . let's call him Steve. Steve is a really cool guy. He's got a great personality. Really funny (sarcasm and self-deprecation are his specialties, haha) and nice. He's pretty cute, though he has a beard which is not usually my preference. We have a lot in common, including a love of entertainment (including improv, he loved it even before he saw my show), music, and traveling (in fact, he's traveling abroad this week). He's also by all appearances quite interested in me. I hung out at his place after the second date (we didn't do anything as I was still sick), and after the third date we made out and cuddled in the back of his car.
Intellectually, I feel a lot more compatibility than I did with one of my more recent prospects, Wes. Distance-wise, he lives a LOT closer than Ron (only about 15-20 minutes away).
Sounds like a match, right? Well, I still have my apprehensions. The excitement-right-off-the-bat feeling wasn't there with him. And I still have that fear of hurting someone that tends to get activated when someone shows a lot of interest in me early on that I don't quite reciprocate.
I'm actually kind of glad that he's out of the country this week. It gives me some time to relax and get my head straight before he returns and we continue spending time together. I am definitely enjoying his company and definitely want to get to know him better. I just need to make sure that things go at the right pace. This one seems promising, but I want to make sure I proceed properly.
Meanwhile, my long-distance flirtationship with the Texan is still going. We check in with each other at least a couple times a week, send each other pictures and occasionally get into conversations. Hopefully our correspondence can continue, if in a toned down fashion, when I get into a relationship locally. It would be cool to meet in person and make a new friend someday. I must say, I get more excitement from him . . . perhaps it's the unavailability due to distance.
My mood is much improved. I do still think about my last relationship a lot, and do still miss Ben quite a bit. But I'm not overly sad about it very much lately. I had a conversation with Janice on the phone yesterday, and she always helps me put things in perspective. She reminded me that even if Ben is still with the guy he replaced me with in 3 months, it doesn't necessarily mean that the relationship is healthier. In fact, she suggested that maybe it has more conflict than ours did. Maybe in some way that's what he wants. More little fights might distract him from his tendency to gaze at greener grass. It was an interesting theory, and it made me feel better even though I know such speculation is pointless and the state of his current relationship doesn't and shouldn't concern me. Eventually I hope to reach the point of total indifference. In the meantime, such speculation gives me alternative scenarios to think about besides "I wasn't good enough."
As the preceding paragraph probably makes clear, I am certainly not over Ben entirely. It has been a looong time, and though I do feel I continue to make progress, I am also self-conscious of the fact that I am not yet over it and do worry about the implications for any future relationships. At the same time, I feel like a new relationship could help further my healing process.
In other recent news, I went on a Las Vegas trip with a bunch of (straight friends). They took me to a strip club, which was my first experience going to one. They wanted to go to one that had both female and male strippers, but by the time we got there (Club Sapphire), the male strippers were gone. That was NOT my scene. I lasted maybe 20 minutes before I started to get very anxious and had to leave and take a taxi back to the hotel. Would I be more comfortable around male strippers? Maybe. Although one thing I didn't like was how aggressive the strippers are. If you could just sit back and enjoy the sights without being targeted that'd be one thing, but it seems as soon as you sit down some girl is coming to offer you a lap dance. Right when I first walked into the bar a girl with a real bad attitude tried to lead me to the bar to get (her) a drink. She kept asking me the same questions over and over ("What's your name? Where are you from?") and seemed just generally out of it. I pawned her off on my friend and went and hid in the bathroom. I'm not ashamed. Haha.
So that was my strip club experience!
Aaaanyways . . .
I've gone out with Jake's friend several times now. So I guess he deserves his own pseudonym . . . let's call him Steve. Steve is a really cool guy. He's got a great personality. Really funny (sarcasm and self-deprecation are his specialties, haha) and nice. He's pretty cute, though he has a beard which is not usually my preference. We have a lot in common, including a love of entertainment (including improv, he loved it even before he saw my show), music, and traveling (in fact, he's traveling abroad this week). He's also by all appearances quite interested in me. I hung out at his place after the second date (we didn't do anything as I was still sick), and after the third date we made out and cuddled in the back of his car.
Intellectually, I feel a lot more compatibility than I did with one of my more recent prospects, Wes. Distance-wise, he lives a LOT closer than Ron (only about 15-20 minutes away).
Sounds like a match, right? Well, I still have my apprehensions. The excitement-right-off-the-bat feeling wasn't there with him. And I still have that fear of hurting someone that tends to get activated when someone shows a lot of interest in me early on that I don't quite reciprocate.
I'm actually kind of glad that he's out of the country this week. It gives me some time to relax and get my head straight before he returns and we continue spending time together. I am definitely enjoying his company and definitely want to get to know him better. I just need to make sure that things go at the right pace. This one seems promising, but I want to make sure I proceed properly.
Meanwhile, my long-distance flirtationship with the Texan is still going. We check in with each other at least a couple times a week, send each other pictures and occasionally get into conversations. Hopefully our correspondence can continue, if in a toned down fashion, when I get into a relationship locally. It would be cool to meet in person and make a new friend someday. I must say, I get more excitement from him . . . perhaps it's the unavailability due to distance.
My mood is much improved. I do still think about my last relationship a lot, and do still miss Ben quite a bit. But I'm not overly sad about it very much lately. I had a conversation with Janice on the phone yesterday, and she always helps me put things in perspective. She reminded me that even if Ben is still with the guy he replaced me with in 3 months, it doesn't necessarily mean that the relationship is healthier. In fact, she suggested that maybe it has more conflict than ours did. Maybe in some way that's what he wants. More little fights might distract him from his tendency to gaze at greener grass. It was an interesting theory, and it made me feel better even though I know such speculation is pointless and the state of his current relationship doesn't and shouldn't concern me. Eventually I hope to reach the point of total indifference. In the meantime, such speculation gives me alternative scenarios to think about besides "I wasn't good enough."
As the preceding paragraph probably makes clear, I am certainly not over Ben entirely. It has been a looong time, and though I do feel I continue to make progress, I am also self-conscious of the fact that I am not yet over it and do worry about the implications for any future relationships. At the same time, I feel like a new relationship could help further my healing process.
In other recent news, I went on a Las Vegas trip with a bunch of (straight friends). They took me to a strip club, which was my first experience going to one. They wanted to go to one that had both female and male strippers, but by the time we got there (Club Sapphire), the male strippers were gone. That was NOT my scene. I lasted maybe 20 minutes before I started to get very anxious and had to leave and take a taxi back to the hotel. Would I be more comfortable around male strippers? Maybe. Although one thing I didn't like was how aggressive the strippers are. If you could just sit back and enjoy the sights without being targeted that'd be one thing, but it seems as soon as you sit down some girl is coming to offer you a lap dance. Right when I first walked into the bar a girl with a real bad attitude tried to lead me to the bar to get (her) a drink. She kept asking me the same questions over and over ("What's your name? Where are you from?") and seemed just generally out of it. I pawned her off on my friend and went and hid in the bathroom. I'm not ashamed. Haha.
So that was my strip club experience!
Sunday, March 23, 2014
Meeting someone new
It's been a fun weekend so far. The Texan and I are still texting back and forth. We haven't had a really long conversation for several days, but we've both been very busy.
I had a Grindr conversation with a local guy on Friday. After chatting for a while it became apparent that we had a mutual friend: Jake the Australian! Jake had told the guy he was going to see a friend in an improv show over the weekend and I told the guy I'm in a troupe. Didn't take long for him to put the pieces together. He decided to come with Jake to the show so he could see me perform and meet me.
Before we ended our conversation that night another revelation occurred. After I sent the guy my phone number he realized we had texted before . . . He was a guy from a dating website who I had tried to set up a meet with a year ago! He had flaked out back then, and he was apparently very remorseful. I told him not to worry about it. He could make it up to me by coming to my show.
Come he did, as did Jake and my friend Walter. After the show we all hung out at a bar for a while, then got late night burgers. He seems like a nice guy. Pretty cute, smart, and a very active sense of humor. He and I bantered back and forth a lot. When we parted he expressed the hope of meeting up one on one sometime. I told him that would be cool.
Not to beat a dead horse, but it is a thought that crossed my mind: he's in the same profession that a certain ex was when I first met him. But he seems to handle the stress of said profession a lot better. Perhaps a sign of more emotional stability.
Sunday, March 16, 2014
Cast of characters
Partially for my benefit, and also for the benefit of anyone who might find what is written here interesting enough to follow, I will summarize some of the more prominent people in my life. All names have been changed, so this will help me keep their pseudonyms straight!
So without further adieu, here is the cast of characters in the life of Cal . . .
Family
My mom: She has long been one of my closest confidants. Coming out to her was difficult and it took several years to complete the process, but now she is totally supportive. Though Republican she is generally very open-minded and relatively socially liberal. Lives in the Midwest with my dad.
My dad: I've always had a good relationship with him, though he is not the most communicative person. He is very outspokenly conservative, which made it very hard for me to come out to him. Turns out he's more libertarian than anything else, so the whole gay thing doesn't bother him. He still doesn't support gay marriage though.
Gavin, Roger, and Brad: My three cousins. They are my best friends in the world and among the first people I fully came out to. Gavin is the older one that lives on the east coast, has a great job and is dating a model. Roger is the one who also lives in So Cal and is most likely gay as well, but not out (to his family at least, including me!) Brad is the youngest one, and though our age difference is the greatest I am closest to him. We are intellectually very similar and he is the first person I fully came out to.
In addition to them I have two sisters, and several nephews, nieces, uncles and aunts, and a couple other cousins.
Friends
Janice: My only close female friend, she is like a sister to me. People used to think we were related, or a couple. She, along with my mom and Brad, is one of my closest confidants, though I don't really see or talk to her that often these days.
Walter: My good friend that I've known since high school.
Tom: A friend who has become close over the years. He has a rather interesting personality that can be a little much at times, and is socially rather awkward. However he has proved to be a very loyal friend and has given me a lot of support over the years.
Phillip: A college friend who is among my closest friends.
YouTubeGuy, aka Steven: Now that this guy has become one of my good friends I think he deserves a proper pseudonym. I met him before my coming out process by finding his YouTube channel. He lived across the country back then but has since moved to Northern CA with his boyfriend, Jack. He played a huge role in my coming out process, as we supported each other over long distance. We got into relationships around the same time.
Jack: Steven's boyfriend, who has become a good friend in his own right. Since Steven is so busy with work and is not the best texter, I often communicate with Jack instead.
Lance: One of my best friends from college. I pretty much fell in love with him back then, which was the major event that got me questioning my sexuality. Oh, and he's straight, and I never told him about that. He dropped off of the radar for several years, which hit me hard, but eventually we got back in touch. Now my feelings for him are long gone and we are just friends.
Sam: A friend that I met through an online dating site. I used to refer to him as my "Breakup Buddy" since we both went through tough breakups in 2013 and supported each other. We still provide each other a listening ear when memories of our past relationships get us down.
Wes: A friend that I met on Grindr. We dated for about a month. I appreciated his emotional availability, but ultimately I called it off because I just wasn't feeling enough of a connection and I was afraid of hurting him like I had been hurt in the past. He took it hard, but we were able to remain friends. He has since befriended a bunch of my friends and often will come to get-togethers (even when I can't!)
Nina: A college friend who is quite a wild girl but is also a very sweet, considerate person. She has had plenty of experience with both guys and girls but now has a long-term relationship with a rather low-key guy who compliments her quite well. She often organizes get-togethers and also enjoys trying to make me over or set me up with guys (the one time she tried it ended up being a straight guy . . . oops!)
Bill: Another gay friend I met online. He has become a cool friend to hang out with. He lives a bit far from me so I don't see him often.
Jake: One of the first guys I went out with. He's an Aussie that didn't quite feel a spark with me, but we have remained friends since then. I don't see him too often, but he was definitely an important part of my coming out process.
Other
Ben: My emotionally troubled ex who I fell in love with and got dumped by after I had let my guard down. I don't want to ruminate too much about him on this blog for fear of turning into a broken record, but since he is still on my mind a lot (and he is at this time the only person I have had a serious relationship with), his name is bound to come up. For the full story, both the good times and bad, see my old blog.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)