Gaybor Day Weekend

I had a really awesome Labor Day Weekend.

A friend from the past drove up from San Diego to spend it with me . . . it was my friend Ron, who I first met back in 2013. I hadn't seen him since I was last in San Diego in July 2014.

Ron is one of my favorite guys that I have dated. It was mostly the combination of the distance between us and his busy schedule that put the kabosh on us dating before. I still think about him periodically. Well, this weekend he came up and we did an LA weekend together. It was awesome, but it also kind of cemented us as just-friends.

We spent a lot of time with my cousin Roger, who is very comfortable being out and about by now. In fact, he got quite a bit of action over the weekend. First, he spent the night in a hotel room with Ron's flamboyant friend. Then he had a random guy come up to him at a bar in West Hollywood, and before you knew it they were kissing. The guy was really cute too!

Ron and I went shopping for clothes, which was nice. I got some new shirts, some dark jeans, and some new shoes. I hate clothes shopping, especially alone, so it was really nice to have someone there to provide advice.

We went out to the bars in West Hollywood two nights in a row, and stayed out quite late both nights. One night several of my friends met up with us, including El Genio from the blogs. It was so nice seeing him again!

The highlight of the weekend, and also the most emotionally complex experience, was when Ron and I met up with Thomas. Thomas, as you may recall, is the latest guy I had strong feelings for who friend zoned me. The three of us had a board game night, which was insanely fun. It also was, I noticed at one point, me hanging out with the two guys who I was most interested in dating over the past several years.

They are such cool guys and good friends. I just wish I could date one of them. Ron is pretty much out of the question now, as I opened up to him on the drive home from LA about my lingering feelings for Thomas. That and he is about twice as far away as Thomas is.

Thomas frustrates me. We get along SO well, we have so many things in common, and he is so frickin' attractive to me! But he ended things, and the last time I continued to pursue a guy after I was friend zoned . . . well, I did have my first relationship. But ultimately I got my heart broken. I like Thomas so much that I don't want to risk losing him as a friend. At the same time, I like him so much more than ever single other guy I've dated in the past several years! I guess the most aggravating thing is that we went out for two months, and he seemed legitimately interested at the beginning. So, I feel like I had a chance and blew it, which can feel worse than having never had a chance at all.

I am determined to pursue the friendship, because I really do feel like it would be a shame to lose him as a friend. At the same time, I'm conflicted about whether I should ever admit my feelings or just try to grow out of them.

I think what I need to work on is upping my flirtation game when dating. I know sexual energy doesn't come naturally to me, but I'm gonna have to learn to at least fake it somewhat if I want to stop getting friend zoned left and right. The next time a Thomas comes around, I don't want to miss my chance.

Older . . . wiser?

The sporadic posting continues. I really do want to write more. Not only does this blog help me, but writing is also an activity that I enjoy and want to continue to cultivate. It's just a matter of finding the time and getting myself to write . . .

Now, I actually did write a post a week or two ago. But I just didn't feel like posting it. As I recall I was in the middle of a deep funk and consequently the post was a downer. Yeah I've struggled with a bit of the blues lately. It seems that the pendulum has largely swung back to career concerns after being so focused on dating for the year after my relationship ended.

Not to say dating is completely off my radar. In fact, I downloaded Tinder the other day to give it a try. I actually like it pretty well. I've been chatting with a couple of guys. It's way less scuzzy than Grindr. Though I have been casually seeing a guy I met on Grindr lately. He's an academic from Europe and is a real nice guy. He also lives SUPER close to me. He did try to initiate sexual escapades at our second date though. I asked him to slow down and we ended up making out for a good long while. I was only moderately into it. I think I really am like the stereotypical woman in that I need to have an emotional connection in order to want to do anything with someone. Thus when guys move too fast I am not very responsive, which then feeds back into my worries about my sexuality. I am going to see him again, and hopefully I can ask him to slow things down a bit so I can get to know him better before we tongue wrestle again.

I spent the weekend working a special event in San Diego and spent the nights at my friend Ron's house. He's the one who I casually dated from approximately November to January. Things fizzled back then because of the distance and because he didn't reach out very much. I do know that he had some things in his life going on at the time. I had a very good time with him. I got quite tipsy the first night from drinks he made and ended up cuddling and spooning with him throughout that night. The rest of the weekend we didn't get quite so touchy. I'm a bit torn about him. On the one hand, he's one of the few guys post-Ben that I have been able to muster up some feelings for. On the other hand, he lives quite far and doesn't really seem to show much explicit interest in dating again. Though he certainly didn't discourage the cuddling.

Oh, and I'm 30 now. Bye bye 20s. Ugh, I'm not ready! I don't have my life figured out yet!

Alright that's enough for now. I'll write more about my latest life and career musings later. Until then!