The story of Dean

Another long gap between entries.

Happy New Year everyone!

First of all the topics that were on my mind that I eluded to last time.

One topic was Dean. I wanted to talk about my burgeoning relationship with him. Well, now that's over. Overall we dated from October to December. We didn't see each other much because he lived a bit far away and was very busy with work and his extremely active social life. At the same time, I did manage to have some really cool, memorable experiences with him. He worked in entertainment, which meant I got to hang out with other people in the industry such as writers and executives. I even got to meet a couple of actors and attend an exclusive holiday party for a production company. So that was cool.

Ultimately, both Dean and I had some issues with the relationship. For me, the feelings weren't quite where they should be. I was giving it time, since I felt like with all the December parties and everything, we really hadn't gotten enough time to get to know each other one-on-one. For Dean, however, there were other issues. Ultimately, he felt like we were at different stages in life, which is true. He has an established, successful, high status career. While I'm doing alright professionally, having gotten a promotion not too long ago, it's not exactly my passion and I'm not sure it's where I want to stay. Mostly, the issue is that he's ready to settle down and have a family and he felt I wasn't quite there yet. He's probably right.

Another issue that Dean had was sex. The issue that I've feared would come up ever since I started dating. He detected early on that my sex drive wasn't very high. I alleviated his concerns for a while after I explained that it wasn't that I don't like sex, it's just that I'm not particularly driven to have it. We never got so far as to doing anal. He called himself a top, though he claimed he'd be willing to be more versatile in a relationship. Having never done it myself, I still don't know exactly what role I'd prefer. I tend to think I'd prefer just being versatile, since I'm not really comfortable defining myself with a label. And yet, part of me wonders whether I do prefer to be the more "masculine," dominant one. In any case, the sexual chemistry just wasn't there. I'm not sure I've really even felt "sexual chemistry" before. I'm hoping I can have it with someone, being the way I am.

Trouble became first apparent when Dean effectively uninvited me to a resort he was going to for a couple days. He claimed he needed some alone time. This was when I was in the Midwest for Christmas. When I got back to California, we spoke on the phone and he explained that he felt we just weren't going to work out. I told him I preferred an in-person conversation before we totally ended it, and he agreed. The next time I was in LA at my cousin's house he stopped by and we talked in his car for a while. We each explained how we felt about the dating relationship we had had. I told him the feelings hadn't been quite there for me yet, but I had been hoping we'd have more time to get to know each other. He told me his reasons for ending things. He very kindly told me I was the nicest guy he had ever dated, and insisted that he'd still love to hang out with me whenever I'm in his neck of the woods. We parted with a hug, on good terms.

I really wasn't sad about it ending. Yes, I'd had good times with him, but the feelings just weren't there and the chemistry just wasn't as good as I'd like it to have been.

I must admit, certain requests that I made of him while we were dating, such as asking if we could talk on the phone more often or whether we could go hiking or biking sometime, were attempts to make our relationship more like the one I used to have. Those are things I really miss. I don't think it's wrong to want those things, right? They shouldn't be off the table just because they are things I did with my ex. I just want to make sure I don't try to mold a guy into an ex-approximation, because that's a recipe for disaster.

My relationship with Dean had one casualty: I lost my friendship with the Turkish guy I've known since summer. As soon as he found out I was seeing someone he had a little bit of a fit and told me we couldn't be friends. Turns out his feelings for me were still very strong even after I had friend-zoned him. Apparently I was the first guy he'd had such strong feelings for, the one who convinced him he could feel that way for a guy (so I was his Ben . . . great). It's probably for the best, though, since I just really didn't feel the same way.

So far so good

Hello all,

A quick update before the holidays. I will be taking the whole week off of work to drive up to Northern California to visit family, as well as YouTube Guy and his boyfriend.

Things are still progressing with Dean. It's been about a month and a half since we first met. I've accompanied him to a couple parties and have met several of his friends and coworkers. They all seem to like me. He has also come and hung out with me and my troupe friends a couple of times. One friend was slightly bummed that I brought him to a sketch show she performed in . . . she wanted to set me up with her friend in the group. I can't help but wonder whether that was a case of "Oh, I know a guy who'd be perfect for you!" "Oh really, how come?" "Well, he's gay, you're gay . . ."

Dean is a really great guy. Really friendly, fun, outgoing, and considerate. Part of me is just waiting for him to end things, haha. I'm doing all I can to get rid of my cynicism and allow for the possibility that maybe, just maybe this one might actually like me.

I still suffer from obsessive rumination about my past relationship, especially as Thanksgiving approaches and I am reminded of the time that my ex accompanied me across the country to my parents' house. I bounce between trying to cast my thoughts in a healthier light and just trying to suppress them entirely. I worry that I will never again be so enthusiastic about a new relationship, but I also wonder whether that isn't actually a good thing. Sure, I'm not head over heels for this new guy, but that would allow me to enter into a relationship with both eyes open. Any feelings would develop slowly out of getting to know one another and sharing experiences, and wouldn't be based on some stupid infatuation. I don't know. Just going with the flow.

The big upcoming event at Thanksgiving? My cousin Roger is going to come out to his conservative parents. And I'll be there. Should be interesting.

A promising guy

I had one of my blog readers comment to me that things must be going well, since I haven't updated lately. I guess you could say that, haha.

I did fully intend to write more often, regardless of my mood. I've just had other things on my mind lately, I guess. Maybe I'll answer more of those thought questions soon.

In any case, things are indeed going pretty well.

I'm still seeing Disney Guy, and he probably deserves a proper pseudonym. Let's call him Dean.

Since I met him at Disney Gay Days, we've hung out three times. Every weekend except one.

The first weekend, we spent a lot of time together. We had dinner at a nice restaurant, went to a dance club, saw a play, and lounged around. It just kind of happened that way since we had both come up with ideas for our first proper date.

The second weekend he came down to my neck of the woods and watched my improv show. Then we had brunch the next morning and I drove him up to one of my favorite viewpoints. Perhaps some other stuff happened in between there . . .

The third weekend we were too busy to hang out, but we did talk on the phone.

This past weekend I drove up to go to a Halloween party with Dean and his friends. Had a great time. I spent the night and we had breakfast the next morning before I needed to leave for a family gathering.

I'm liking him so far. He seems like he has a good head on his shoulders. I'm not getting troubling mixed messages. We usually check in via text about once a day or so. We click well personality wise. He's got a good, fascinating career in entertainment that he's been doing for quite some time, which speaks to his level of maturity and stability.

I'm definitely taking it slow. I'm just focused on getting to know him for now, especially since this is another guy that I can only see on weekends due to distance. I won't be able to see him this weekend because of more family activities (my mom is in town), but I'll probably visit him the week after. I'm still chatting with a couple other guys from OkCupid and Tinder that I have been corresponding with, but I'm not really messaging anyone new.

Dean identifies as a "top," which would be new for me if we were to enter into a relationship. I told him I lack experience in that realm but think I'd prefer a fairly versatile dynamic. He said in a relationship he'd be open to that. I'm not too worried about that kind of thing for now. I'm just focused on enjoying getting to know him. I'm just happy that I feel the potential for feelings for someone who, at least on the surface, seems to be emotionally healthy.

Disney Gay Days

I returned to "Gay Days" at Disneyland for the first time since I attended with Ben two years ago. The reclaiming continues!

This time around I went with my increasingly out cousin Roger, my youngest cousin Brad (the one I first came out to), and his girlfriend. The trip was actually in honor of Brad's girlfriend's nephew's birthday. The fact that it was during Gay Days was a (happy) coincidence.

I was a little disappointed that both Brad and his girlfriend seemed a little . . . critical of the idea of Gay Days. They didn't understand the "goal" of it and thought it was inappropriate for a family park.

For those who don't know, Gay Days is not an officially Disney-sanctioned event. But they do a little more than just tolerate it. Certain restaurants in the park even sell rainbow colored cake during the event. Mainly its just your typical day at Disneyland, except with a bunch of people wearing red and a lot more same-sex couples holding hands. Basically it's how I would imagine a day at Disneyland would be like if gays were a little less of a minority than they are now.

I didn't really ask, but I wouldn't be surprised if Brad and his girlfriend have softened their stance now that they have experienced it and didn't witness any debauchery going on.

The most notable thing that happened: I met up with a guy that I had met on Tinder. He lives in LA and was at the park with a huge group of people. It took some time to coordinate, but I finally was able to meet him (briefly) outside the Haunted Mansion. Later on I joined his group to ride the Cars ride at California Adventure. After that, most of his group went home so he and his female friend joined the four of us to attend World of Color and ride Space Mountain.

We seemed to click quite well. At the Mad Tea Party (basically the Disney version of a rave if you can imagine that, haha) we even ended up kissing a little bit. He initiated. I was very self-conscious kissing in a Disney theme park, but it was nice. During World of Color he put his arm around me, and I reciprocated. At Space Mountain we rode together. When we parted we kissed again. I made a somewhat impulsive comment about not wanting to make a scene. He responded by saying it wasn't the first time that two guys made out at Disney. I don't know . . . I know it shouldn't bother me but I guess I'm still not super comfortable with PDA. I realize that most of the making out I have done with guys has been in private. Ben was even more shy about that than me, so I never ran into this issue with him.

It was kind of odd meeting him for the first time while with my family. At some points I was walking and talking with him instead of my cousins, which made me a little self-conscious. But he's super nice and got along well with everyone.

In any case, we made tentative plans to have a proper date this coming weekend. During the week we each came up with separate ideas of things we could do in LA. Ultimately we decided to do them both: one on Saturday night and one on Sunday night. I know two dates in one weekend might be a lot for someone I just met, but I'm not too worried. He seems like a really cool guy, and both events sound super fun.

As if that's not enough, another guy from Tinder wanted to meet up, so I've made lunch plans with him for tomorrow. One minor detail: he lives right near Ben. The first restaurant he suggested is just a couple blocks away from Ben's house, and is a place we went to together several times. Suffice it to say I wasn't quite comfortable having a first date with a new guy in that neck of the woods, especially since it would be my first time going back. So I suggested we meet in Silver Lake instead.

So, looks to be another fun weekend. I look forward to getting to know Disney Guy better. I'm also glad I have another date so I'm not putting all my eggs in one basket.