Let's see what's new . . .
I went out to dinner with Ali, the guy I had the drunken make out session at the bars with. As I feared, his interest did not carry over sober. We had a fine conversation and have chatted a bit via text since, and he even invited me to go out with his friends on Friday . . . unfortunately I couldn't go. But his interest has definitely waned and he answers texts sporadically. I wasn't quite sure we were a match either, but still, it was disappointing.
I'm definitely falling back into being interested in dating again, even though I started out the year telling myself that I would focus on career. I know relationships are important to me, but still . . . focusing too much on dating gets me frustrated. I start thinking about all the seemingly great matches that didn't like me back the same way (Ben and Thomas being the two prime examples). Or all the ones that flaked on me. Or the ones who live 40 minutes away and feel that is too far to date.
In positive news, my cousin Roger is seeing a guy. The two look like they're on track to be boyfriends, which is very exciting. This will be Roger's first relationship, so I'm pulling for him. Still, the cynic in me is wondering just how long it will be before the guy loses interest and jumps ship. I swear guys, I don't know how to regain my romantic optimism! With my own relationship ending in a blindside dump and every promising guy since then not working out, I feel like I'm in a bit of a vicious cycle. I need to develop a better outlook in order to have a better experience, but only a better experience would allow me to cultivate such an outlook. I guess all I can do is fake it 'til I make it.
I do keep wondering whether I need to move. Either to LA proper or to San Francisco. My friends YouTube Guy and his boyfriend would love it if I moved up to the Bay, and I have a potential lead as as far as a job. But I have such strong roots in So Cal, it would be tough to leave it. We'll see.
Question for discussion: are you driven more by career or by relationships? How much will you sacrifice in one for the other?
I've met quite a few guys in their late 30s to early 50s who have invested most of their life's energy into their careers. They're workaholics who love what they do and they're very successful. As single men, they can work a lot of hours and spend day-after-day on planes and in airports, which is something many married men won't do. Overall, I think they're happy with their lives because work is fulfilling. But they're single and they've mostly been single their entire lives. I wonder how fulfilling their life will be when work no longer dominates it? For now, they seem happy with their work-dominated lives.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, it's almost impossible to forge a long-term relationship with them. Work dominates their lives and always comes first. Romantic interests get the left overs, often just a few hours a week. This means that while they are mostly happy with their lives, they're pretty much destined to always be single. They'd have to fundamentally change themselves in order to make time for a quality, long-term relationship.
In reference to something else you mentioned... yes, faking a positive attitude has been scientifically proven to make people actually become more positive.
This comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteSorry to hear that things haven't been working out, dating-wise.
ReplyDeleteAs for the move, consider Seattle! Or at least visit me here sometime, haha. I LOVE the Bay Area, but it's so expensive there. We'll see if I establish a career in that area after fellowship. The future is uncertain . . .
I've sacrificed almost everything - relationship-wise - for career. I'm not entirely sure it's worth it, the delayed gratification is frustrating at times. That said, I'm not entirely sure I'd have been met with success even if I had pursued a different career (but maybe!). I think I'm starting to gain a semblance of balance now, but maybe not.
I totally get when you say that you're stuck on a vicious cycle and being unable to have a better outlook...
ReplyDeleteAfter awhile you can't help but to have your walls up and expecting the worst before something even happens.
Work is a priority for me, but I think that decision has been more of a default than an active choice. I've never made it far enough into a relationship where there was any kind of conflict or priority required. Would I move to another city for a guy? Doubtful... he would truly have to be an amazing person for me to leave my career behind like that. On the other hand.. would I do some kind of long distance where I only see him on weekends or during off periods at work? Yes. I am willing to put in significant effort, but candidates for that effort (where we are mutually attracted to each other) seem to be few and far inbetween. Which means I have given up on dating for now. :/
ReplyDelete