This weekend I was able to stay pretty calm. While the big issues still weigh on me, I was able to keep a bit more relaxed, mindful, and present.
Thursday I had the first therapy appointment I've had in a while. My therapist was out sick for one appointment, and then I missed the next one because of my car accident. So I was finally able to have a session. I think it really helped. I've scheduled sessions once a week for the next several weeks to try to help me get through the worst of this acute phase of my anxiety. Thinking about giving a psychiatrist another shot, but we'll see.
I've downloaded a meditation app called Headspace on my iPad. The first 10 days of meditation lessons/practice are free, after that its a monthly fee. I'm just trying the free trial first to see how I like it. I'm two days in. I could see it being something I enjoy as part of my daily routine. And maybe it will help me get up in the morning.
Even though dating is not my focus right now, I did go out with a new guy today. He had messaged me on Grindr back in December and we chatted off and on since then. We finally met, and I had a nice time. We met in my favorite "midway" shopping center between LA and where I live. Same shopping center where I first met Ben four years ago. Obviously the association still exists, but its been diluted over time. The guy is quite introverted and I definitely had to direct the conversation for much of the time, but he had a good time and has already expressed interest in meeting up again. So we're aiming for next weekend.
I'm increasingly realizing that although I do have real problems to deal with, my maladaptive beliefs and thought patterns are really the main problem. So getting a handle on that is definitely a priority.
