Back to the Grind, for now

I took a long break from Grindr. About a year. I felt like it was contributing too much to compulsive checking, and all for very little return. However, I recently was traveling in Europe (yay!), and decided to download it again to try to meet local guys.

Well, I didn't meet any locals, but I did meet an Australian who was traveling (do Australians travel a lot, or what?) It turned out really well! He was a super nice guy and pretty cute, We hung out out for a good part of the day in Rome, had dinner together, and checked out the Roman gay scene. The scene wasn't much, just a couple bars that were pretty low energy . . . then again we went on a week night. The coolest thing about the bars is that they are located right next to the Colosseum. We overall had a great time, and we ended up making out a little bit at the end of the night before we parted ways. A romantic little Roman holiday. Maybe that is my version of a one night stand. Getting to know someone over a day, swapping stories and getting to know each other, having a nice dinner and drinks, and then kissing a bit. We didn't go any further because I had an early morning, but it was a nice experience. I know the lack of expectation that it could lead to anything long term probably helped me get out of my head. We're Facebook friends now.

I still have Grindr on my phone now that I'm home. It has led me to go on a couple dates with a new guy. Very interesting guy . . . very sweet and smart. Very successful. Great, fun personality. Also not the physical type I'm usually attracted to. I've been out with him twice. He's exactly the kind of guy that gets me stuck in my head. We click personality-wise pretty well. But I don't really feel the romantic energy, the base attraction. And that kind of thing just triggers and feeds my sexuality doubts.

Cut to tonight. I notice I got a message from a very attractive torso. Six pack abs, nice chest, the works. Not the kind of profile I usually get a message from. I hesitantly respond, and he answers quickly and seems nice and conversational. He also says that I look familiar. He asks me if I was on a date at the mall recently. I say yes, and he responds that he saw me with my date. He mentions how I looked happy, and asks if it is even worth it for him to pursue me. He sends me a face pic and he is smoking hot. I assure him that things are casual with the other guy, we've only been on two dates, and I am open to meeting others. The guy asks to see a body pic, so I send him the first one I can find, a shirtless pic of me at the beach. The guy then says, "I wish you the best with this guy."

Upon further inquiry he says that I'm not his type, he likes more muscle. This doesn't come as a surprise, frankly at this point I was surprised that such a buff, hot guy would express interest in the first place. He apologetically calls himself shallow (could he not tell I wasn't buff when he saw me at the mall?) He then starts to try to convince me to continue dating the other guy. He stresses the importance of finding someone who can make you laugh, and he brings up again how happy I seemed on my date (turns out he was the hot guy I noticed sitting at the table behind my date, lol) He tells me that looks fade, and that I should go for the guys that see beyond looks.

While a lot of what he says is good advice, his hypocrisy is of course rather striking. I suggest to him that he practice what he preach, reminding him that he just called himself shallow and rejected me based on my physique. He agrees but turns it back on me and even sends me a cartoon with the following text:

"God, why haven't you sent me a boyfriend? God replied: I did but you keep telling him 'No fats, no fems . . .'"

The whole time I can't believe I'm having this conversation. Here's a guy who talks about wanting to "pursue" me, then immediately changes his mind when he sees my body picture, then tries to convince me to marry another guy he saw me with and implies I'm shallow for not wanting to marry the guy after two dates. It was all just very . . . weird.

But it did get me thinking about attraction. It is frustrating how usually the guys that are the most into me are the ones that do little for me attraction-wise. And it's true, looks fade. But at the same time I date guys for a reason. Attraction, at least some basic level of it, is important. Heck, it's what I struggle with. Guys catch my eye all the time but the guys I go on dates with rarely have the same effect on me. And especially having had a boyfriend in the past who I did find attractive, it's hard to not want that again. I give guys a chance, even if attraction isn't quite there at the beginning. But ultimately, I don't think it's shallow to want to be attracted to your partner. It's why gay guys date guys in the first place.

Anyways, Grindr can definitely lead to meeting cool people, like my Australian friend. It can also lead to very weird conversations. Will I delete it again? Probably. But for now it's just another tool to meet people I might not otherwise. And get the occasional lecture about shallowness from a shallow muscle guy.