I'm still around. Things have been going pretty well lately. Work is good, improv is good, and I've been dating a guy I really like. In fact, he's probably the guy I've liked the most in the last two years. Super cute, common interests, similar personality, very nice and funny. But I feel the demons of the past affecting me and I'm trying to fight it. The problem is this guy is into taking things slow. For several weeks we were taking turns being sick so that added to the slowness. But now we're better and I still feel we're not progressing much. And this coming from a guy that prefers to take things slow. I was looking forward to finally being able to kiss him on the mouth again after being sick, but he only gave me a quick little kiss. Sometimes he'll call me "stud" or "baby" in his texts, other times it's "dude" or "man." I just don't want Ben Part 2, so I'm very wary about moving forward if there's ANY sign of ambivalence on his part. I know he got out of an 8-year relationship a little more than a year ago so I've been cutting him slack. At the same time, I feel like I am doing all of the flirting, complimenting, etc. And I've been on the other end so I know how mixed feelings translates into mixed messages. He is good about texting me everyday if I don't text first, but other than that I am the initiator of pretty much everything. It pains me because I really like this guy! The compatibility and personality "clicking" is to a level I haven't felt since . . . a long time ago. Part of me is worried that our momentum was lost by me being sick so long (longer than usual, it was like two and a half weeks) since I had to keep him at arm's length. If he's just another avoidant who's going to give me mixed messages, follow my lead for a while and then cut me out when I cease being exciting and new then I don't want to get invested. But I also don't want to assume that he would do that, because everyone is different (and he seems a lot less impulsive and conflicted then my ex.)
So I guess I'm just trying to strike a balance between learning from the past and not punishing a new guy for someone else's bad behavior.
I read an article at one point about the rule of Hell Yes. Well, in the article it was F*** Yes but you get the idea. The author argued that you should only date someone if they make you say "Hell Yes" and you make them say it too. If I were to follow that rule then it's already too late because I clearly haven't made this guy say Hell Yes.
And yes, we did have a "Where is this going" conversation at about the one month mark. He said he likes me but just wants to take things slow. That was a few weeks ago.
Also, he lives an hour from me (like many guys I date do, it seems). So I've only been seeing him on weekends.
Questions: Do you agree that we both should be saying "Hell yes" at this point? How do I up the ante without pushing him away by being too needy/anxious/pushy?
